Pilot

Hed: “Sleeping Tourist has Sternum Broken”; subhed: “East Coast Man Hospitalized by Accidental “Rescue”; caption: “Pool Rescue Goes Bad: Walter Dubon from Rhode Island had a ??? when accidentally given CPR by Dr. Tobias Fünke, who accidentally thought Dubon was undergoing heart failure.”

Public Relations

On the newspaper with the headline “Bluth Matron In Brawl At Klimpy’s Family Style Restaurant,” lower down in the paper, there is an article titled “Musician sues restaurant over use of name.” This is a reference to the band Arrested Development suing over the name Arrested Development.

On the newspaper with the headline “Cold Hard Bluths,” lower down in the paper, there is an article titled “Bum Gets Balloon.” George Michael had just told Michael that he managed to get rid of a bum at the frozen banana stand.

Good Grief

The political cartoon is captioned “Frito Bandito.”

The Spanish newspaper, El Guardian, has the headline, “Eso Americano Loco” (That Crazy American), and the caption, “Esto es por lo cual notrotros crusamos corriendo las autopistas.” (very roughly: For this, we run across the highways.) CONTEXT

Switch Hitter

The announcements section of the newspaper has an article “Wedding Bells In Near Future.” CONTEXT

The Sword of Destiny

The article on Tony Wonder, “Born and Bread in the USA,” includes the following: “Tony Wonder wows his audience as he emerges from a giant sandwich... with the flair and fanfare of Liberace.... Despite the oohs and ahs of the mean audience there was one disgruntled ex-magician who was seen doing some sort of chicken-type dance at fevered pitch. He was carted off by the police before this reporter was able to interview him but it is the view of the by-standers that it was some sort of protest regarding the use of chicken used by Tony Wonder’s staff.” CONTEXT

Spring Breakout

The Orange County Tribune has a headline “FDA Pulls Profollica Off The Market.”

Notapusy

The Los Angeles Times, dated September 19, 2005, the date of the season 3 premiere, has a headline “No Fair!” and the subheading “Blue State in the Red.” CONTEXT

The News Testament has a headline “Jesus Saves — Fair” with the subheading “Church and State Together... An Integration We Can All Get Behind.” CONTEXT

S.O.B.s

The Orange County Tribune has the headline “Bob Boblaw Lobs Law Bomb!” with the subheading “Bluths lose attorney, chances of survival slim.” CONTEXT

Development Arrested

The Variety article “Tantamount To Child Labor; Teen Exec Cons Studio Job” reads: “Sources say the hiring of new film kid on the block Maeby Fünke, age 16, is Tantamount to child abuse but studio head Mort Meyer [sic] says it was pure genius on his part to draw in the younger demographic they sorely need. / But others disagree. They believe that Ms. Fünkes foray into film, though innocent enough, happened when she inadvertently managed to be indoctrinated into the fold through a mistaken identity phenom that was not of her own making. / Fünke’s calling card apparently fell into her lap as she was helping her father, wannabe actor Tobais Fünke, gain entrance into Tantamount Studios. Who could blame her for hanging on when she suddenly found herself behind a desk and in a position of power than many spend a lifetime trying to attain? ‘At least it’s better than high school, except for the food!’, she was overheard saying. / Well, no doubt, but does any of this excuse Tantamount from its legal responsibility regarding the child labor laws? One would have to argue, NO! / What passes for the upper eschelon of studio masterminds if a teenage girl can pull the dyed in the wool cloth over their eyes? / It seems, however, as though the industry, or at least Tantamount Studios, is more than ready to wrap their arms and minds around Ms. Fünke and are putting their money where their slack jawed mouths are. / Now industry insiders are even whispering about a reality show, MOW or sitcom about the sassy lass’ life. / Ms. Fünkes ex-boyfriend and cousin, Steve Holt, is reportedly anxious to sign on to play her ex-boyfriend and cousin. When asked about it Holt raised his fists in the air and shouted, ‘Steve Holt’. / Ms. Fünke’s other cousin, George Michael Bluth, got a deer in the headlights look on his face and curled up in a ball on the floor. This reporter took that to mean ‘no comment’. / Is this media darlings success wreaking havoc in her home life? / Her family has already been fodder for the rumormill microscope due to the littany of charges against her grandfather, Bluth patriarch George Bluh, head of the development empire the Bluth Company. Charges of possible incest and insanity seemed to continue to flit around this kids inner circle. MOW here we come! / At the end of the day will Ms. Fünke be just a one hit wonder or will she spur a whole new era in the movie biz? Only time will tell but for now, things are undoubtedly getting funky at the Fünke household. It was reported that her father is jealous of her budding fame and has refused to eat until he gets equal press time. Though that has not happened yet, it is said that he has scheduled a photo session for new head shots to cash in on his new svelt figure. / So has all of this suprred studio execs to start combing the hallways and lcokerrooms of their local high schools? No telling for sure but I think I saw a certain SS superfigure huddled at the lunch counter with a gaggle of gals at Beverly Palisades high school last week. Can you say power lunch sloppy joes?” CONTEXT

The second Variety features articles “Biz Slips On Uni-tard; Managing Rita’s Development” as well as “TV DVD Sales Enjoy All Time High.” CONTEXT

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