Maxim, May 2004: "Maxim Gets Arrested" by Laura Gi

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Maxim Gets Arrested

We sent senior editor—and obsessed stalker/fan—Laura Gilbert to the set of Fox’s dysfunctional family comedy Arrested Development. Her blow-by-blow account of what went down…if it pleases the court.

Maxim, May 2004

By Laura Gilbert

9:30 A.M. I try to maintain a caffeine- and pill-fueled veneer of professionalism, even after I learn that Tony Hale—who plays my favorite character, the Bluth family’s youngest and most damaged son, Buster—will not be on set today. Be strong…

10:50 A.M. The photographer and I stumble upon Tony’s trailer. As I begin licking the door, some guy asks if he can help us. He turns out to be an assistant director, who’s been expecting us. Just…not quite like this.

10:53 A.M. Upon entering the set itself, I lay eyes on the Bluths’ frozen banana stand. For the uninitiated, this is the food stand run by George Michael (no, not that George Michael). I scream, “It’s the banana stand!” and am immediately told to shut up. Turns out I ruined a take. They’re “shooting” a “scene” and doing “their jobs.” Whatever.

11:05 A.M. Stacey, the nice PR lady from Fox, who obviously was not quite ready for my level of obsession, hasn’t shown up yet, so I assume I have free rein to wander around the set. Jeffrey Tambor walks by, so I immediately grab him for a quick one-on-one.

11:14 A.M. Jeffrey accuses me of being a stalker, demands to see my press credentials.

11:27 A.M. The PR lady finally arrives and arranges a sit-down with Michael Cera, a.k.a. George Michael. Turns out his nervous teenager shtick isn’t an act, as he won’t stop giggling (especially when discussing guest-star Heather Graham). He shares a scene that never made it on air for legal reasons: “I have a line where I say, ‘I’m thinking of just going by George,’ and my cousin goes, ‘Why?’ I say, ‘No reason,’ and it shows footage of the singer George Michael’s arrest.”

11:52 A.M. We interview Will Arnett, who plays eldest Bluth son and magician, Gob (pronounced “jobe”). A producer asks us to stop laughing so loudly so they can again “shoot” the “show.” Will vows to cut off her legs. He then mock-reluctantly poses for 50 pictures on his character’s signature Segway.

12:52 P.M. I ask the 14-year-old who plays Maeby Fünke if she’d make out with me to further her career. Her mother sits next to her.

1:32 P.M. We meet the gorgeous Portia de Rossi. She agrees to make out with me to help the show. I will officially be the most popular editor in the entire office. She admits to loving the fact that “people come up to me and say, ‘You’re that chick from Arrested Development,’ instead of Ally McBeal.” The Fox people say Portia is shy about photographs, so we shouldn’t take any.

1:40 P.M. The PR lady leaves for a second, and Portia agrees to pose for us doing yoga with whiskey in hand. The assistant director says Tony has been called to the set just for me. I giggle like a schoolgirl, and Portia shakes her head: “I can’t believe someone likes Tony.”

1:56 P.M. I make my way to Jason Bateman’s trailer. Unfortunately for him, the show’s success hasn’t overshadowed his past. “Teen Wolf Too still haunts me, even though only five people saw it.” When asked to name the most dysfunctional couple on the show, Jason doesn’t hesitate: “Tobias and Lindsay, because they’re both gay as bleep.”

2:23 P.M. Jason delivers me to Tony, and I can’t contain my excitement. In the faux living room of the Bluths’ model home, he talks about the direction he wants Buster to go in: “I’d love for him to become a different person when he dances. Like Pavlov’s dog—the minute he hears music, he becomes Rico Suave!” He adds that I might remember him as the spastic “Mr. Roboto” guy in the Volkswagen ad.

3:31 P.M. Jason says I should be in the next scene. He points me toward the wardrobe trailer—he just made me an extra. I’m all out of pills, so I just try to breathe.

4:18 P.M. Action! In character, I bring Michael Bluth (Jason) a cup of coffee. He eyes me up and down as I walk away. I am a star.

4:29 P.M. “Shy” Portia seeks us out so she can take more pictures. Silly PR lady.

6:39 P.M. After 11 takes, Jason escorts us off the lot. Flushed with excitement, I ask him to pose for our cover. “Only in a bikini,” he bargains. “I tend to get a little breasty.”