Two truths and a lie

[Cherith_Cutestory]

I love how this game has turned into a debate about dwarfism...good times. OK new one:


I collect stamps
I collect the little blue disks under bottle caps
I collect my nail clippings

[ett]

I'm not sure which is more disturbing: nail clippings or those little blue disks.
I'll hope that nail clippings isn't true, but either way you are special.

Employing the popular "Six Degrees" game (you may have played it with AD, or maybe with Hanes spokesperson Kevin Bacon):
- I'm less than six degrees away from Chris Farley.
- I'm less than six degrees away from Kanye West.
- I'm less than six degress away from Tim Burton.

[Cherith_Cutestory]

ummm, I'm gonna guess Kanye West (because its easier to connect Chris and Tim)

also I do not collect stamps, its weird but its just this strange tick i have...there are dozens of us, DOZENS

[ett]

What? Stamp collecting is actually quite fun. I used to collect stamps when I was a kid, and even though I quit I do like to look at some nice stamps every now and then (there's an awesome "Canadians who helped build Hollywood" set coming out soon, with Mary Pickford, Mack Sennett and others).

And you'd be wrong - I CAN connect myself to Kanye West! (I'm cool like that). Sadly, I have no connection to Tim Burton other than the fact that his films defined my childhood. The closest thing I have to a connection is that my friend was invited to an advance screening of Big Fish, but couldn't go, but apparently Tim Burton himself was there, present, in the flesh. That doesn't really count does it?

[each]

Taking from Ett...

Im Two degrees away from the queen of england.
Im 3 degrees away from George Bush
Im 4degrees away from John Howard (the priminister of Australia)

[Frightened Inmate #2]

You weren't clear, are you 3 degrees away from Bush 41 or 43?

Either way, I will say you are not 3 degrees away from George Bush.

ima say u didnt interview those two guys (who's dr. demento? the archnemesis of the Ambiguously Gay Duo????)

Dr. Demento was the DJ who basically discovered Al on his nationally syndicated radio show. But I did interview both (Weird Al is a riot - and a nice guy - in person. At one point I asked him if he was going to play "Yoda" at his concert, he replied, "You know what, I'm going to play it ... just for you." And he did play it at the concert.)

But the movie part was an exaggeration. I had a bit part, and it was not expanded. Most people guess that my wife and I didn't share the same birthday, which we do.

OK, three more, British-themed, "Truths and a Lie":

1. I've been inside Parliament to watch both Houses in action (or is it three?)
2. I've been inside the gate at Buckingham Palace to watch the changing of the guard
3. I've been inside 10 Downing Street, where I caught a glimpse of then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher - let me finish - 's husband Dennis walking their dog.

And to keep things going: Dwarf vs. Midget ... is there a difference?

[Musty Old Claptrap]

I'm legally a dwarf

How does one 'legally' become a dwarf anywho?

When you are under a certain height?

Somthing to do with genetics?

Well there's no need for that.

[each]

What? its a real genetic occourence.

You weren't clear, are you 3 degrees away from Bush 41 or 43?

Either way, I will say you are not 3 degrees away from George Bush.

incorect. I am only 2 degrees away from John Howard.

and FI#2, I had originally intended for it to be 43 but i guess when I think about it that answer would be true for both bushes.

I dont think number three is correct. I think it was somone else walking the dog

[Frightened Inmate #2]

What? its a real genetic occourence.

You weren't clear, are you 3 degrees away from Bush 41 or 43?

Either way, I will say you are not 3 degrees away from George Bush.

incorect. I am only 2 degrees away from John Howard.

and FI#2, I had originally intended for it to be 43 but i guess when I think about it that answer would be true for both bushes.

I dont think number three is correct. I think it was somone else walking the dog

Ding ding ding! You are correct, sir. I was outside 10 Downing, but never got in. The dog bit was just an added detail to make it seem like I might have done it.

[byron]

-Sebastian Bach, of Skid Row, gave me the finger after I drunkenly screamed "Youth Gone Wild" in a convenience store in upstate NY.

-I once found $350 dollars in a sealed envelope on my doorstep with no identifying marks as to where it came from.

-In high school, I found a set of car keys and turned them into the school's lost and found. The owner of the keys then told the school disciplinarian that I had stolen the keys from him to exact revenge for money he had stolen from me.

[titus]

-Sebastian Bach, of Skid Row, gave me the finger after I drunkenly screamed "Youth Gone Wild" in a convenience store in upstate NY.

-I once found $350 dollars in a sealed envelope on my doorstep with no identifying marks as to where it came from.

-In high school, I found a set of car keys and turned them into the school's lost and found. The owner of the keys then told the school disciplinarian that I had stolen the keys from him to exact revenge for money he had stolen from me.

Hahaha. I'm going to say that the $350 dollars in a sealed envelope is false?

[Frightened Inmate #2]

-I once found $350 dollars in a sealed envelope on my doorstep with no identifying marks as to where it came from.

Um, yeah. I think that was my envelope. I put that there by mistake. Thanks for finding it. In fact, keep $10 for yourself. Heck, make it $20!

I hope the third one was the made-up one, because that's just too bizarre. I mean, did the guy actually fess up to stealing money from you to try and get you in trouble? If so, that's gotta be a Darwin award nominee.

[ett]

Yeah, the key thing sounds like a lie.

Also, "midget" (unless I'm wrong) is not an accepted term, and the more PC terms are "dwarf" and "little person". Personally, I find those last two to be about as non-offensive as "Lollipop Guild" but I'm regular height, so what do I know?

1. I once suspected a teacher of being an agent for MI-5. (or is it the MI-5?)
2. I once got drunk with a teacher after a school function.
3. A teacher once suggested I refer to him as attractive on a class evaluation.

[byron]

The lie was the $350 in the envelope.

I hope the third one was the made-up one, because that's just too bizarre. I mean, did the guy actually fess up to stealing money from you to try and get you in trouble? If so, that's gotta be a Darwin award nominee.

I couldn't believe it either.

It's a long, bleep -ed up story:

One day, as I left study hall, I noticed a set of car keys on the floor. I picked them up, asked some of the people in the study hall if they knew whose keys they were. They didn't. I brought them to the office and had one of the secretaries put them in lost and found, thinking, "Hey, if I lost my car keys in school, first place I'd go was to lost and found".

Well, this guy, a football (americano) player, didn't think that way. So he catches a ride home with a friend, to get his spare key. After he picks up his car, he heads home and manges to crash it. Totaled.

The next day in study hall, the school disciplinarian, who doubled as the head football coach, called me to his office. Apparently, one of the football player's friends had told him the saw me with a set of keys the day before. That led him to believe that I had stolen the car keys, and that the disciplinarian would be sympathetic.

The three of us: me, the moron jock, and his coach, are sitting in the coach/disciplinarian's office.

The conversation that followed:

Me: What's the problem, sir?
Coach: Jeff, here, thinks you stole his car keys.
Me: What? I didn't.
Jeff: Well, "so and so" saw you with a set of car keys yesterday, and he thinks they were mine. I crashed the car last night and I think you should be held responsible.

Me: Yeah, I found a set of keys on the floor after study hall yesterday, but that doesn't mean I stole them. I turned them into lost and found, seeing as that would be the first place someone would go looking if they lost something of that nature. And how am I responsible?

Coach: Jeff, did you check with lost and found?
Jeff: uh, no.
Coach: Well, go check.

[Jeff exits to main office, returns a minute later, with car keys in hand.]

Me: See!? Why would you accuse me of stealing your keys, when you didn't even check in the most obvious place?
Jeff: Like I said, "so and so", saw you with the keys yesterday, and I thought you were taking revenge on me.
Me: For what? I hardly even know you.
Jeff: I don't know, forget it. Doesn't matter.
Me: What? That's bullshit. Tell me what you thought I was taking revenge for, jackass.
Coach: [points to me] Watch your mouth in my office. [looks at Jeff] What's going on here?
Jeff: [dejected] Well, uhh…I kinda stole money from you backpack while you were in gym a few months ago. I thought you knew it was me.

[Coach's jaw drops]

Me: [fuming] That was you?
Coach: This isn't good Jeff.
Jeff: Uh-huh.
Me: No kidding it isn't good. I want my money back.
Coach: You'll get your money back. You can go, come back and see me Monday.
Me: Fine. I'd like a written apology, too. This is a joke.


A week later I had my money back. Enclosed with it was a hand written apology, that, truthfully I never read.

Names were changed and "so and so" is used for a name that has since been forgotten.

[I ate all your bees]

He wins my prestegious award for the thickest thick thing of the year. So far, anyway.

1. I once suspected a teacher of being an agent for MI-5. (or is it the MI-5?)
2. I once got drunk with a teacher after a school function.
3. A teacher once suggested I refer to him as attractive on a class evaluation.

It's just MI-5. It's between 2 and 3, but I'm going to go for... 3? Because I've done both 1 and 2. My history teacher used to boast about how he was one of the few people who knew where the UK's nuclear submarines actually were. If he was in MI-5, he was doing a crappy job, unless it was a genius double bluff like those spy types do.