Pilot’s Unaired Lines
Rivers’ Fashion Report: Week 1
Michael Bluth Named New President
George Bluth, Sr. Arrested
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz.
- lost appendage
- Maeby tells George Michael she found a foot in her frozen banana: the missing one from Lucille’s stole.
Maeby: Um, yeah, I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.
George Michael: It looks like a foot.
Maeby: It tasted like a foot. Which I didn’t really mind, but I’m pretty sure I said “no nuts.”
George Michael: Hey, you’re my cousin, aren’t you?
Maeby: Maeby.
Narrator: This is George Michael’s cousin Maeby.
Maeby: I can’t believe you didn’t recognize me.
George Michael: We never see you. We never see anybody in our family.
Maeby: I know, it’s our parents’ faults. We should teach them a lesson.
George Michael: (Laughing.) Yeah... yeah... No, I-I don’t think so.
Maeby: I should go to my mom tonight and be, like, “I met the cutest guy,” and then she’ll see you and me totally making out.
George Michael: (Laughing.) Yeah. (Continues laughing.) But not really, right?
Maeby: It’s perfect! She’d freak out, and I’d be, like, “Mom, if we saw each other more often, this wouldn’t happen.”
George Michael: But we’re cousins.
Maeby: That’s what makes it funny.
George Michael: But isn’t it against the law?
Maeby: Come on, George Michael.
Narrator: Tobias, now believing the boat party to be pirate-themed...
Music: Nikka Costa’s “Everybody Got Their Something.”
Tobias: Well, you look like a pirate!
Narrator: ...began searching through his wife’s luggage for an outfit.
Tobias: I should say so. Look at the blouse, sir.
Narrator: Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals. Soon, he was unwittingly part of a protest against the local yacht club.
Tobias: How are you?
Narrator: And Michael’s big moment finally came.
George, Sr.: I give you the new C.E.O. of the Bluth Company... certainly the smartest Bluth... my favorite Bluth... and the, uh... sexiest creature I have ever laid eyes on... my lovely wife Lucille.
Lindsay: Mom!
Lindsay: Mom, congratulations!
Music: Love will keep us together...
George, Sr.: Sorry, it’s not the right time.
Music: Some sweet-talking girl comes along, singing...
Lindsay: I’m not going to lie to you, Michael; this is great news for H.O.O.P.
Michael: Hey.
George Michael: You okay?
Michael: You and I, we’ve waited long enough. Time to move on. It’s the start of whole new life for us.
George Michael: I guess we’re going to see you guys even less now.
Maeby: I told you we should have taught them a lesson.
George, Sr.: Lindsay, I want you in this picture.
George, Sr.: Let’s see some smiles, people. It’s a party, not a shareholders’ meeting.
