Written by Mitchell Hurwitz.
G.O.B.: I have to think the Alliance is going to frown on this.
Trisha Thoon: Perhaps a good trick for a human, but the dogs found him almost instantly.
Man: Free at last, y’all.
Tobias: I’m all right, gang. I’m all right.
Lindsay: Thank God.
Tobias: Oh, what an adventure. Oh, my goodness. Buster... don’t do that. What an adventure, gang. I thought that the homosexuals were pirates. But it turns out that most of them were actors in the local theater.
Tobias: (Chuckles.) You’re right though, it is amazing. I’ve been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me and... and I think it has.
Lindsay: You’re gay.
Tobias: No. No. No, I’m not... I’m not gay. No. Lindsay, how many times must we have this... No. I want to be an actor.
Michael: Okay, guys, um... they are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they’re going to have to put a halt on the company’s expense account.
Michael: Interesting. I would’ve expected that after “They’re keeping Dad in jail.”
Lindsay: You know, Michael, Dad did name Mom as his successor.
Lucille: And I’m putting Buster in charge.
G.O.B.: He’s a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?
Lucille: He’s had business classes.
Buster: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. 18th-century agrarian business, but I guess it’s all the same principles. Let me ask you, are you at all concerned about an uprising?
Michael: That’s it. I’m done. I’m sick and tired of the greed and the selfishness and all the taking. Forget it. I’ve got a son to think about. And you know, Lindsay, by the way, I expected this from them because they’re completely oblivious, but you... you should know better.
Narrator: In the days that followed, Lindsay had no choice but to check her family out of the hotel earlier than planned. And her husband started looking for work.
Tobias: My name is Dr. Tobias Fünke. I was chief resident of psychiatry at Mass General for two years, and I did my fellowship in psycholinguistics at MIT. And this is “I’m A Bad Bad Man” from Annie Get Your Gun.
Tobias: (Hesitating.) I... I... I... I’m...
Narrator: Lucille was finding it difficult to go about her daily life.
Lucille: The SEC is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which believe me, he’s not. The man could barely work our shredder.
Narrator: Michael was able to secure a job with a rival housing company almost immediately.
Narrator: And Buster was discovering his academic pursuits didn’t fully prepare him for his new responsibilities.
Executive: Have you looked at the latest figures on the Sudden Valley expansion, vis-a-vis the development versus the tax that it...
Buster: You guys are so smart.
Executive: ...two percent per annum, but this is a non-recoupable...
Lucille: We need Michael.
G.O.B.: We need ice.
Buster: Michael... We need Michael.
Narrator: And so the family staged an intervention.
Michael: I’m sorry, what exactly is this intervention for?
Lucille: We need you to come back and run the business.
Michael: Oh, okay. Well, then, so, technically it’s not really an intervention. It’s a little bit more of an imposition, if you think about it.
Lindsay: Oh, whatever you want to call it.