Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Rosenstock.
Michael: Whoa. Buster.
G.O.B.: Look who’s got something to say.
Buster: “I’m Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself.”
G.O.B.: Look who’s ragging on the old lady.
Michael: Hey, hey.
G.O.B.: That’s fine.
Lindsay: Finally.
Narrator: And Tobias had found the perfect wardrobe for his leading man— the red dress he discovered in the attic crawl space. Assuming Michael had found and returned it, Lindsey called her mother hoping to get money for a new one.
Lucille: What?
Lindsay: Hi, Mama, it’s Linds.
Lucille: Get a job.
Lindsay: Look, just hear me out. It’s Maeby’s dress. It was stolen from her locker. They beat her up, and, uh, and took all her clothes.
Lucille: Send her over, I’ll take her shopping.
Lindsay: Buster was right. You get off on being withholding, don’t you?
Lucille: Buster said that?
Lindsay: That’s right.
Lucille: My Buster?
Lindsay: Not anymore, apparently.
Narrator: While Lucille was missing her youngest son, Michael was finally enjoying his company.
Michael: Zip me up?
Narrator: And while Buster did build a faster bike, he neglected to build the brakes.
Buster: I’m flying!
Michael: Buster?
Narrator: And George Michael had news for Maeby.
George Michael: So, I quit the play. I don’t really like plays. Also, I think your dad thinks I’m gay.
Maeby: Oh, he thinks everyone’s gay.
George Michael: So, uh, do you want to get a soda?
Maeby: I can’t. I’m actually back in the play. We’re in the middle of dress rehearsal right now.
George Michael: But I thought Steve had your part.
Narrator: Steve did still have Maeby’s part, and Tobias had given Maeby a new part.
Maeby: So you want me to play the man?
Tobias: Yes. Don’t you see? I-I cast the parts all wrong. It was Daddy’s fault.
Maeby: And I still get to kiss Steve, right? It’s going to be a huge disaster. I’ll get you tickets.
Narrator: And Michael tried to salvage what was left of the day with what was left of his brother.
Buster: I’m a little shaky, but... but we’re here to work.
Lucille: Michael.
Michael: Mom, what are you doing here?
Lucille: Oh, hello, Buster. Here’s a candy bar. No, I’m withholding it. Look at me, “getting off.”
Lucille: How dare you turn Buster against me?
