Balboa Observer-Picayune: Arrested Development Episode Transcript: Charity Drive

The O.P. » Reference

Episode Transcript

Written by Barbie Feldman Adler.

Page: 1 2 3 4 >> 8 Next >

Michael: What are you charging for that?

George Michael: He doesn’t like to discuss money.

G.O.B.: I don’t like to discuss money.

Michael: What does that mean?

G.O.B.: A Bluth banana? No, I hadn’t planned on it.

G.O.B.: But I’ll tell you what. If you want to use my likeness for a Hamburglar-type character, I’ll sign off on that. “Mr. Banana Grabber” or something.

Michael: No, no. No more banana grabbing, no more car grabbing.

Vote: ***** / Average: 3.96 (53 votes)

Michael: Throw that away, please.

George Michael: But it’s already made.

Michael: I don’t care. Nobody gets it now, okay? Are you happy?

G.O.B.: My own brother. Michael. My own selfish brother. Michael.

Michael: All right. I do not want you to get upset. He did not mean that. He says things that he doesn’t...

G.O.B.: Selfish Michael.

Michael: He did not mean that, either.

Narrator: Michael then went to his sister to find his father’s car.

Lindsay: What car? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Michael: Dad’s car. The one you didn’t tell me that you had, even though I had to ride my bicycle to work all week.

Lindsay: Oh, Dad’s car. Well, obviously I’m going to use it if it’s an emergency.

Narrator: Lindsay had such an emergency three days earlier when her salon was able to squeeze her in at the last moment.

Lindsay: (Gasps.) That color’s discontinued!

I had to get ready for the bachelorette auction.

Michael: The bachelorette auction? You know you’re married.

Lindsay: You just go to dinner with the guy. It’s for charity.

Michael: That’s what you said about posing for the Ladies of Literacy Calendar. The one with the pictures of all the 30-year-old women in lingerie with their nipples covered by copies of Oliver Twist. Yeah, that made a big difference for the young ones.

Lindsay: It would have if it didn’t get banned from the schools.

Michael: Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don’t even know what the auction’s for tonight.

Lindsay: The wetlands.

Michael: To do what with them?

Lindsay: Dry them.

Michael: Save them.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.55 (92 votes)

Lindsay: From drying.

Which is more than you would ever do. I mean, you’re like the least-charitable person I know.

Michael: I don’t do anything for myself. Everything that I do is for this family.

Lindsay: Oh, you don’t do it for us, Michael. You just do it because you love being the guy in charge. ’Cause you love saying no. Like you said to G.O.B. when he wanted a frozen banana. And even after he gave you the rights to his “Mr. Banana-Grabber” character.

Vote: ***** / Average: 3.91 (56 votes)

Michael: All right, you know what? I will start doing my charity work when you start doing yours. In the meantime, where’s the car?

Lindsay: I think Buster has it. I don’t know. It’s on the schedule.

Michael: There is a schedule? I’ve always tried so hard not to look at this thing.

Narrator: So Michael went to find Buster.

Lucille: Who let you in?

Michael: Your new cleaning woman. What happened to Luz?

Lucille: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That’s Lupe, her sister.

Michael: I hope she’s okay.

Lucille: She’s awful. Can barely wash a dish.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.38 (77 votes)

Lucille: Uh-oh. She better not walk through here after she’s been in there.