Written by Barbie Feldman Adler.
Lucille: Oh, please. They didn’t sneak into this country to be your friends.
Lucille: Don’t you judge me. You’re the selfish one. You’re the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?
Michael: You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?
Lucille: I don’t have time for this. I’ve got to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: You’re doing that? You can’t possibly tell me that you care about the wetlands.
Lucille: I care about going for more money than Lucille Austero.
Narrator: In fact, Lucille Bluth had made sure of that.
Lucille 2: Lucille!
Lucille: I got you tickets to The Producers. I already saw it in New York. But that’s of no use to a woman whose vertigo makes flying a grotesque misadventure.
Lucille 2: You must have scrimped and saved for these. But isn’t this the night of the auction?
Lucille: Is it?
Michael: You seem pretty confident.
Lucille: Oh, I think there’s a certain bachelor who won’t mind coming home with me at the end of the evening.
Lucille: Where did he go? Buster! Why do you hide every time the doorbell rings?
Buster: I’m not hiding.
Narrator: Buster was hiding from Lucille Austero. After inadvertently flirting with her at a social event while not wearing his glasses. And Lucille had been pursuing him ever since.
Lucille 2: Buster, hi. It’s me again. I’ve still got those Producers tickets, and I’d love to share them with you. I don’t want you to think I’m taking this more seriously than you are, unless you’re planning some grand romantic gesture, my feelings are just the teensiest bit hurt.
Lucille: What are you going to do?
Buster: Bid on you.
Lucille: How much?
Buster: When they call my name.
Lucille: No, they’re not going to call your name. They’re going to call my name. Good grief.
Michael: Hey, Busty, have you been using Dad’s car?
Buster: No. Well, yes.
Michael: You got the keys?
Buster: Probably in my school pants.
Buster: I have been a part of this archaeological dig. We think we found a part of a pterodactyl under Fashion Island.
Buster: It is my day on the schedule, but I guess you get them first.
Michael: Did you get all your stuff out of the car?
Buster: Yeah, I left my homework in the back seat, but I can get it later.
Michael: Okay. Okay.
Narrator: Michael surveyed the damage to his father’s car: The partially excavated skull, the spilled nail polish, the burned seats and he came to an important decision.
Michael: I’m getting some ice cream, I can tell you that right now.