Bush Visits Wetlands
Staircar Snarls Air Traffic
Episode Transcript
Written by Barbie Feldman Adler.
Lucille: (To Lupe.) Tell me you’ve got an exit strategy.
Michael: Mother...
Lucille: Oh, please. They didn’t sneak into this country to be your friends.
Michael: Wow.
Lucille: I don’t have time for this. I’ve got to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: You’re doing that? You can’t possibly tell me that you care about the wetlands.
Lucille: I care about going for more money than Lucille Austero.
Narrator: In fact, Lucille Bluth had made sure of that.
Lucille 2: Lucille!
Lucille: I got you tickets to The Producers. I already saw it in New York. But that’s of no use to a woman whose vertigo makes flying a grotesque misadventure.
Lucille 2: You must have scrimped and saved for these. But isn’t this the night of the auction?
Lucille: Is it?
Michael: You seem pretty confident.
Lucille: Oh, I think there’s a certain bachelor who won’t mind coming home with me at the end of the evening.
Michael: Buster.
Lucille: Where did he go? Buster! Why do you hide every time the doorbell rings?
Buster: I’m not hiding.
Narrator: Buster was hiding from Lucille Austero. After inadvertently flirting with her at a social event while not wearing his glasses. And Lucille had been pursuing him ever since.
Lucille 2: Buster, hi. It’s me again. I’ve still got those Producers tickets, and I’d love to share them with you. I don’t want you to think I’m taking this more seriously than you are, unless you’re planning some grand romantic gesture, my feelings are just the teensiest bit hurt.
Lucille is seen reading from a notepad.
Michael: Hey, Busty, have you been using Dad’s car?
Buster: No. Well, yes.
Michael: You got the keys?
Buster: Probably in my school pants.
Michael: Okay.
Buster: I have been a part of this archaeological dig. We think we found a part of a pterodactyl under Fashion Island.
Buster: That was 90% gravity.
Buster: It is my day on the schedule, but I guess you get them first.
Michael: Yeah.
Buster: Wait. I need my rape whistle back.
Michael: Did you get all your stuff out of the car?
Buster: Yeah, I left my homework in the back seat, but I can get it later.
Michael: Okay. Okay.
Buster: Help.
Narrator: Michael surveyed the damage to his father’s car: The partially excavated skull, the spilled nail polish, the burned seats and he came to an important decision.
Michael: I’m getting some ice cream, I can tell you that right now.
