Episode Transcript
Written by Chuck Martin.
Revision: 1.14
Narrator: Now the story of the family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth was fed up with his mother’s extravagant spending.
Michael: Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren’t necessities?
Lucille: Like it was yesterday.
Michael: It was this morning, and now I hear that you’ve hired a crew for the yacht? I’m selling that yacht.
Lucille: Michael, you haven’t heard why I want it. To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.
Michael: I enjoy a bicentennial as much as the next guy, Mom, but we’re not doing that.
Lucille: My neighbor, Lucille Austero, is constantly throwing parties for herself. She’s having another one in a week.
Buster: I’m not going to that.
Narrator: Buster had been avoiding Lucille Austero since he accidentally flirted with her while not wearing his glasses. And then accidentally bid on her at a charity bachelorette auction.
Narrator: And then accidentally entered her apartment thinking it was his mother’s.
Lucille: Oh, her comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time. Honest to God, Buster, it’s like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I just have no idea where you get that from. Get away from that stove. You’re going to light your hair on fire.
Lucille: He’s weak.
Michael: Speaking of weak, Mom, what do you got in there, gold bars?
Lucille: Protein bars for your father. He’s pumping up in prison.
Michael: No more parties, okay, Mom?
Lucille: You’re my third least favorite child. I can live with that.
Narrator: Michael came home...
G.O.B.: Hey, guy.
Narrator: ...to find his mother’s fourth least favorite child.
Seems to imply G.O.B. is the favorite, but that can’t be right.
G.O.B.: Heard you’re selling the yacht.
Michael: Yeah, I had a couple in there this morning.
G.O.B.: Yeah, I know.
G.O.B.: Well, they got the Asian right. “Hotties” might be a stretch. Well, let’s start with the little one.
Michael: You’re not staying on the yacht, are you?
G.O.B.: What do you want me to do, Michael, live full-time with Marta?
Michael: Or break up with her. I’m sure there’d be somebody else out there that would appreciate her.
Narrator: In fact, Michael felt that man was himself. He had become infatuated with his brother’s girlfriend, and was having difficulty keeping his love a secret.
Michael: You have 48 hours to vacate the yacht.
Lindsay: Guys? I’ve got a great idea. I want to throw Mom a party.
Michael: Would you...? I just told Mom no more parties.
Lindsay: I know, Michael. That’s why this is the perfect opportunity to throw her a surprise party. She’d never suspect it.
Michael: Is this her suggestion?
Lindsay: No. I just think it’s important to honor your parents.
Michael: Why don’t you start by visiting Dad in jail? You’ve never even been there.
Lindsay: Michael, do you have any idea what would happen if I were to visit prison?
