Episode Transcript
Written by Chuck Martin.
G.O.B.: You’ve been set up.
Lucille: Michael!
G.O.B.: There’s no way that you were trying to hurt me. You don’t hate me. Mom hates me. You kind of like me.
Michael: Yeah, I kind of like you.
Lucille: Michael, stop kidding around!
Michael: Coming. Ow! I got hit back there.
G.O.B.: Right— on the back of the head, which means that you couldn’t have hit the steering wheel. Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something, so she could drive.
Lindsay: G.O.B., how did you figure that out?
Michael: No, no, he didn’t figure anything out. I probably got hit on the back of the head because of Buster’s rock.
Lucille: Hey, big shot!
Michael: Which was behind the passenger seat.
G.O.B.: Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver’s seat.
Michael: Mom can’t pick me up. She could barely pick up that bag of protein bars.
Lindsay: Guess what? They weren’t protein bars. They were gold Krugerrands, and Dad finally paid attention to my intellect.
Michael: G.O.B., this is nuts. Mother is frail.
Lucille: Stop this nonsense this instant!
G.O.B.: You set him up, Mom.
Michael: Mom, you and I were getting along so well. I was thinking so highly of you. How could you make me think this was all my fault?
Lucille: Because if you knew it was my fault, you would have turned against me, and I had finally gotten you on my side. You were sticking up for me. I don’t even remember you ever doing that before. I just want my children to love me.
Michael: Stop lying. Stop manipulating. Just be nicer.
Lucille: What...? All right. I’m a horrible mother.
Lindsay: No, no, Ma, you’re great.
Michael: That’s crazy talk.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, George Michael and Maeby sneak back into Les cousins dangereux...
Usher: Excuse me. You’re too young to be holding that ticket.
George Michael: Let’s go. I can’t go to jail.
Maeby: Let’s just watch cartoons.
Usher: Sir, we will not be starting with Les cousins until you leave.
Lucille 2: Excuse me, but I thought my AARP card was good for one and a guest.
Buster: Hey, you know what? I knew that society would never accept this, and they never will.
Narrator: ... and Michael’s insurance takes another hit.
G.O.B.: Ow!
Michael: I was definitely driving that time.
END.
Cast list verified from credits.
Captain and Woman on Boat are not credited.
Captain and Woman on Boat are not credited.
Marta appears in this episode in a flashback, but has no lines.
