Written by Brad Copeland.
G.O.B.: The legs. You know, the bottom half of my “Saw the Lady in Half” trick. No, not now! I’m showing him how to do the trick! Two chicks curl up in a box. We call one the head, one the legs.
Kid #1: So that’s how they do it.
G.O.B.: Oh, God, I’ve got to stop giving these things away.
Michael: The top half, though, what do you do about that?
G.O.B.: I just get a volunteer from the crowd.
Michael: Oh, yeah?
G.O.B.: The old top half quit when she found out I was sleeping with the legs. Word really gets around in there.
Michael: So, Rollo wants your legs, but you’re cheating on Marta with those legs. Is that about right?
G.O.B.: Would you give me a break, please. The legs are insanely jealous.
Michael: Is that why you haven’t seen Marta for the past few days? This is all about your love life again, isn’t it? I can’t believe. Just forget it. I came here to try to help you...
Michael: Great. Great. You know what, G.O.B., Marta is a once-in-a-lifetime woman. She’s a treasure, and I don’t think you’re showing her enough respect, okay?
G.O.B.: Hey, she doesn’t respect my career.
Lindsay: He’s having sex with a woman in his act?
Michael: I’ve got to tell Marta what’s going on.
Lindsay: First of all, she’ll hate you for it. It’s called “shoot the messenger.” Secondly, it’s not in your nature. I mean, you’re like, Mr. Morals. You can’t even take a desk chair.
Michael: Damn it. You know, I’m a saint, you know. I’m a living saint and I get absolutely nothing out of it.
Lindsay: Well, you get a false feeling of superiority.
Michael: Yeah, no, that is nice, but this time, it’s not enough. Why do I always have to be the one that has to set the good example for everyone?
George Michael: Guys?
Michael: Oh, that’s why.
Tobias: You have to be some sort of she hulk to get this.
George Michael: You’ve just got to really dig.
Tobias: Well, it’s not... enjoy...
Tobias: Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money. I can’t say how or when... or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth, as do my high spirits, so a shopping we must go.
Maeby: Dad, we already went. That’s why we’re wearing all this leather. I’m really into leather. Tell Mom.
George Michael: If you ever need to borrow any money...
Tobias: No. Thank you, no.
Narrator: So, Tobias chose to pursue a common interest with his daughter.
Lance: May I help you?
Tobias: Oh, I hope so. Um, I’m looking for something that says, “Dad likes leather.”
Lance: Something that says, “leather daddy”?
Tobias: Oh, is there such a thing?
Narrator: Later that day, Michael got a surprise visit.
Michael: What are you doing...?
Marta: I was looking for G.O.B. He said he was working here today.
Michael: Oh, yes? Please. He said that, huh? Said that he’s working, huh? Wow. Here? What else did he say? Did he tell you that I gave him your message? Not that I’m the messenger, you know. I don’t mean...
Marta: He told me. I don’t know what you said to him, but it really turned him around. He said I was a treasure.
Michael: She’s a treasure.