For Your Safety: Don’t Answer That Door
Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Michael: Now here. Here’s 20 bucks. I want you to close up shop and go crazy. Go find yourself something to buy that you don’t need.
- Big Yellow Joint
- A heavy metal version of “Big Yellow Joint” is heard going to commercial.
Buster: Absolutely. Here. Take $225 from me.
Narrator: Maeby, meanwhile, was working with her grandmother.
Lucille: And this is from when your Pop-Pop yelled out “Oh, Melanie!” when he was making love to Gangee.
Lucille: Ah, yes. The week we had the au pair. You know, your mother always wanted this brooch.
Maeby: Really?
Lucille: Do you want it?
Maeby: I do now. That’ll show her for trying to punish me.
Lucille: Oh, pretty. It’ll distract from the freckles.
Narrator: George Michael nervously approached the family yacht G.O.B. had been staying on.
George Michael: Uncle G.O.B.?
Narrator: When he saw the yacht was empty, George Michael, as he’d been trained to do since childhood, left a note for his uncle. Back at the model home, G.O.B. showed Michael the note he’d found at the dock.
Michael: Oh, no. This can’t be from my son.
G.O.B.: Well, it is his handwriting. Plus he left me $200. $100. 100— I accidentally said 200.
Buster gave George Michael $225. Did George Michael take $25 profit?
Michael: This is impossible. Why would he do this?
G.O.B.: I know. You know? I was shocked. I mean, really, $100. You can’t get good weed for a hundred bucks. Anyway. Here you go. Now we are even on you paying off that Hot Cops thing. Might just be a few stems... but it should be pretty good.
Michael: Man, I speak to Lindsay one time about her stupid hippie parenting and I end up with a hippie.
G.O.B.: Yeah. It does seem pretty weird.
Michael: For all I know, this has been going on forever. You know, he’s been stressed. His eyes have been red. His grades are dropping.
G.O.B.: I heard about the A minus.
Michael: All right, I’m going to go find out what’s going on.
George Michael: Hey.
Michael: Hey, what are you doing?
George Michael: Nothing.
Michael: No? So, uh, listen.
Michael: Your Uncle G.O.B. seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.
Michael: Yeah, that makes sense.
George Michael: Yeah.
Michael: What did you do with the, uh... the money that Buster and I gave you to go have fun with?
George Michael: I put that in my savings account.
Michael: Is that right?
George Michael: Yeah. Save up.
Michael: Okay. Thanks for being honest. (To G.O.B.) He’s lying to me. Can you believe that? Where the hell is this family’s morality?
G.O.B.: I don’t know.
Michael: What?
G.O.B.: It’s cold out here.
Michael: So what do I do now? If I confront him, he’s just going to lie to me again. Should I yell at him?
