For Your Safety: Don’t Answer That Door
Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Narrator: Maeby decided that perhaps she’d had enough of her grandmother.
Note: “Thanks for the Gift, Love, Fatty.”
Lucille: Maeby. Maeby?
Michael: Hey, G.O.B. It’s Michael. Listen, I figured out a way for you to repay that favor. Dad wouldn’t help me teach George Michael the lesson, so I need your help and your Hot Cop friends. I want to fake a drug bust.
G.O.B.: Michael, these guys are real dancers. You know, they’ve never done any “hot” policing.
Michael: Well, they don’t even need to be hot. They just need to show up in those uniforms.
Narrator: And so Michael’s plan was put into motion.
The decorations by Lucille’s door have changed; now there is a painting of flowers, and a table with a plant.
Buster: Where have you been? I am like a caged animal. My old lady’s on the floor, man. I am not essing around.
George Michael: Yeah. G.O.B. just called. He’s got the stuff at the yacht.
Buster: Great. Let’s go.
George Michael: No. No. I think my dad’s on to this. I’m out. I’m not...
Buster: Whoa! Whoa! Come on. G.O.B. will never give it to me. My woman is sick. Please.
Narrator: Later that night, Michael made the final arrangements with G.O.B.
Michael: All right, G.O.B., is this gonna be believable? I want him scared. I love this kid.
G.O.B.: Anyway, trust me, it’s gonna be totally real, all right? This kind of thing goes on all the time out here. Boats wait offshore, lights are flashed, a guy comes over and drops off a bag. It’s gonna freak the little bastard out.
Narrator: Michael went off to hide, while nearby, Buster and George Michael arrived as planned.
Buster: I really appreciate you doing this for me. You’re making a very miserable person happy.
George Michael: She really feels awful, huh?
Buster: Oh, I was talking about me. But yeah, she’s a mess. Be careful.
George Michael: Uncle G.O.B.?
G.O.B.: George Michael. You weren’t followed, were you?
George Michael: No, I don’t think so.
G.O.B.: All right, kid... let’s deal some drugs.
George Michael: What are you doing?
G.O.B.: Flashing the lights. So the dealer knows what’s going down. Now we wait.
George Michael: How long?
G.O.B.: Who knows? An hour... maybe five.
Derek: Drug delivery. You wanted some marijuana?
G.O.B.: No, uh, not me— my nephew did.
Derek: Show me the money.
G.O.B.: Show us the pot.
Derek: I got it right here.
George Michael: Oh, my God.
Derek: Nice, right?
G.O.B.: Okay, you can put your shirt down, Derek. Just give him the stuff. (Loudly.) So... we have a deal.
Derek: (Loudly.) We have a deal.
Marcus: He’s ruining his life!
Hot Cop #2: Freeze! Police officers! Freeze!
G.O.B.: What? Oh, no! It’s the cops! Oh! And a construction worker.
