Michael: Oh!

Marta: G.O.B.’s wand.

Michael: Oh, this is so wrong.

Michael: I got to tell G.O.B.

Marta: No, I have to tell him.

Michael: Yes, but-but you-you speak a little slowly, and I really want to get this thing moving along. So listen. You do the noble thing and you tell him you’ve met someone else. I’m going to do the noble thing and tell him that it’s me. While I’m doing my noble thing, you could put those photos in a box, get rid of the wand, and we can do the wrong thing the right way.

Narrator: And Maeby was getting tired of her parents’ constant fighting.

Lindsay: I’m saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it.

Tobias: Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that.

Lindsay: That’s my point, you... handsome cowboy, you.

Maeby: Nice cover. Why don’t you two just get a divorce and save us all a lot of grief?

Narrator: The night before, Tobias and Lindsay had chosen to sleep in separate rooms, and Tobias had dropped an intriguing piece of information.

Tobias: ... and of course we couldn’t conceive, so there was that famous ordeal.

George Michael: What do you mean, you couldn’t conceive?

Cell phone rings.

George Michael: Was Maeby adopted? Is she not really related to me? Is she just some girl I know?

Narrator: George Michael never got an answer. So he set about doing some investigating of his own.

George Michael: Hey, have you ever seen any pictures of your mom pregnant?

Maeby: Don’t talk to me about my mom. She’s crazy. Both of them are. Sometimes, I wish we weren’t even related.

George Michael: Hey, you know, maybe we’re not. Because when you think about it, we don’t really even look like each other.

Maeby: No, I was talking about my parents. God, what’s wrong with this family?!

George Michael: (To himself.) Maybe we’re not family. And maybe that’s very, very right, twinkie.

G.O.B.: Hey, is your dad, uh... around, uh...?

Michael: Hey, G.O.B. Marta call?

G.O.B.: She sure has. Four times, but I didn’t take the calls.

Michael: Oh, no? Why not? Because of you. You said to lay low. And it’s working. Great.

G.O.B.: Tell you what. You may not be good with women, but you are great with other people’s women, I’ll give you that.

Michael: Oh, listen, G.O.B., you can’t just ignore her. Maybe you should talk to her. She is your girlfriend.

G.O.B.: Exactly! And I want to keep it that way. For all I know, she’s calling to break up with me. I don’t answer the phone, that doesn’t happen.

Buster: Hey, brother.

Michael: Hey, Buster.

Buster: Oh, hey, brother.

G.O.B.: Hey, Buster.