The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part II
For Your Safety: Don’t Answer That Door
Guys With Low Self-Esteem
Controversial Video Maker Visits The O.C.
Episode Transcript
Written by John Levenstein and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Michael: Buddy, what are you doing here?
George Michael: I’m dying to see how he makes this yacht disappear.
Michael: He’s not going to make the yacht disappear. I told him that.
George Michael: No, but it’s driving me crazy. It’s like a mind puzzle, an awesome mind puzzle.
Narrator: Michael looked at his son and saw that he truly was inspired by his uncle. That perhaps the boy actually admired him.
Michael: I gotta get you out of here. You’re gonna come work with me at the office. Go wait in the stair car.
Michael: (To G.O.B.) Hey, I want you to explain something to me. I’m out looking for Kitty and I find my son in the middle of a Girls with Low Self-Esteem video.
G.O.B.: Oh, don’t worry, he’s going to be covered with a blue dot. Look, he approached me. And as for Kitty, I think you’re crazy that to have fired her. Who knows what kind of information she has?
G.O.B.: Yeah, she definitely knows way too much. Well, go get her. It’s the holidays. I’m sure she’s down at Señor Tadpole’s.
Michael: Right. Having a cocktail made in her mouth. All right, I’m going to go take care of that. In the meantime, stay away from my son.
G.O.B.: Wow, Michael, I’m really hurt. It’s family. What’s more important than family, Michael? This yacht?
Michael: Of course not, G.O.B.
G.O.B.: You’d make the deal? Right now. I stay away from your son, you let me use the yacht.
Michael: The holidays really bring out the best in you.
G.O.B.: Well...
Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias found his experience as a therapist was helping him deal with his new cellmate.
Tobias: Yes, but where does the hate come from, Bill? What causes it?
White Power Bill: The Jews, I guess.
Tobias: Well, sure, but I think you need to look deeper. I think these are issues of self-esteem. I know what it’s like. I know how it feels to have a father, or in my case, a father-in-law who doesn’t respect you. Anyhoo, we have very little time before this “4:00 pounding” you promised me. I’m going to take a shot at something and say that I think you hate... White Power Bill.
White Power Bill: I hate you.
Tobias: You hate White Power Bill.
White Power Bill: I hate the government.
Tobias: You hate White Power Bill.
White Power Bill: I hate my father!
Warden Gentiles: (Over P.A.) Recreation. All prisoners, one hour.
Tobias: Go get ’em.
White Power Bill: I hate White Power Bill.
David Ben-Avram: You killed him.
Tobias: Well, I...
David Ben-Avram: Like Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead! All hail Dorothy!
Narrator: And at an elegant restaurant, Michael asked Kitty to come back.
Michael: Could we just make believe that none of this ever happened and just start fresh?
Kitty: Oh, Michael, of course, I’ll come back ’cause I never really left. Because we both know that you can’t fire people.
Michael: No, I did fire you and now I’m hiring you back.
Kitty: You don’t have authority over me. They don’t have nachos here.
Michael: You know what, Kitty? Why don’t we forget it. ’Cause I’ve been trying to be very, very generous to you and you don’t respect me, so I’m firing you, okay? You are fired.
