The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part II
For Your Safety: Don’t Answer That Door
Guys With Low Self-Esteem
Controversial Video Maker Visits The O.C.
Episode Transcript
Written by John Levenstein and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Lindsay: I want to check out Mom’s financial activity. Call her banks, maybe run a hospital search.
Michael: Well, it’s going to mean a lot of hard work, but I’ll put somebody on it. George Michael! Where’s George Michael?
Narrator: In fact, at Maeby’s suggestion, George Michael was off to visit his Uncle G.O.B.
George Michael: Hey, Uncle G.O.B. I came by to see if you needed any help with your magic show.
G.O.B.: Great.
George Michael: I think it’s so great that you’re doing this.
G.O.B.: I’m prepping right now.
George Michael: So how’d you get my Dad’s permission?
Narrator: Suddenly, G.O.B. remembered the promise he had made to stay away from Michael’s son.
G.O.B.: None of your damn business. Get the hell out of here.
George Michael: What?
G.O.B.: You don’t have the magic in you. You never did. You don’t have it here. So take a good look. It’s the last time you’re going to see these. Sorry, kid, more than you’ll...
... never know?
George Michael: What?
G.O.B.: Beat it!
Narrator: As G.O.B. was forced to send away someone he loved, George Sr. was forced to visit someone he had once tried to shove out of moving car.
Tobias: Welcome.
George, Sr.: You’re Dorothy?
Tobias: I thought the two of us could talk man-on-man. I’m afraid I’m serious. I bought you.
Tobias: (To Little Justice.) Remember to let it steam for five minutes.
George, Sr.: Oh, dear God.
Tobias: I’ve been in this family for 16 years and I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation.
In Marta Complex, Tobias and Lindsay were only married for 14 years.
George, Sr.: I’m not going to discuss this.
Tobias: You hate me.
George, Sr.: Yeah, I do hate you. You took my daughter, my precious little girl and moved her away, and now I’m here and I’m afraid I will never get her back.
Tobias: Afraid. You’re afraid. Fear has turned into hate. So Frightened Inmate #2 isn’t frightened at all. He’s angry. He’s a crabby old coot, and he needs love... just like everyone.
George, Sr.: Get your (bleep)ing hands off me.
Tobias: Shh. Don’t be scared.
Tobias: (Singing.) / Somewhere over the rainbow / There’s another rainbow... /
Narrator: And on the beach, the show was beginning.
G.O.B.: Any magician can make the queen of diamonds disappear. But what about a whole boat?!
Michael: Have you seen George Michael?
Lucille: We just got here. I couldn’t find my keys. I can never find anything in here.
G.O.B.: Where once there was a yacht, now there is naught!
Michael: All right, so how’d you do it?
G.O.B.: Michael, a magician never reveals his... I sunk it! I sunk the yacht! At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don’t see it anywhere. Oh, God, my heart was in my throat when that curtain came down and I’m looking out.
Michael: You sank the yacht? You sank a $700,000 yacht?
G.O.B.: With $900,000 worth of insurance on it. And got rid of the evidence. How about a “Good job”?!
Narrator: Lindsay had learned this information when she spoke to the family’s personal banker. Later, fearing that Lindsay was on to her, Lucille went to the bank herself.
Lucille: There must be somewhere I can put this money where it can’t be touched.
Bank Manager: I suppose you can keep it in your purse.
