Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Rosenstock.
Michael: I’m right where I want to be. G.O.B. had his chance to have me there, but if you’re sure you can’t sleep...
George Michael: It’s just I don’t know when I’m gonna get another chance like this, you know, to be there for family. I’d hate to miss it because I was too proud.
Michael: Right. Wait a minute. “Too proud”? What does this have to do with too proud?
George Michael: Actually that part was kind of just for you. I was just worried the whole thing wasn’t going to land unless I included the pride part.
Narrator: Upstairs, G.O.B. was preparing to set up the accountant under his father’s helpful gaze...
George, Sr.: Who called the cops?
Narrator: ...and with the aid of some helpful gays.
G.O.B.: You told me to hire people to look like my friends. These are the Hot Cops. They’re entertainers. Although I specifically asked them not to come dressed as cops. You better change now. He’s gonna be here soon. And butch, guys. I want it butch.
George, Sr.: You got the blood, right?
G.O.B.: Yeah, I got two buckets full right... Hey, what the hell happened to the blood?
Buster: Hey, brother.
Bix: Whoa. Somebody put on his lipstick in the car.
Buster: I love juice!
Tobias: This next number is the only ballad that The Solution ever attempted. And I must say I feel a bit like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul, but, uh, I suppose it’s worth a shot. (Singing.) / There’s no “I” in Teamocil / / At least not where you’d think /
Tobias: / So together let’s make a choice /
Wife of G.O.B.: / And for once we’ll be in sync /
Tobias: / Teamocil /
Wife of G.O.B.: / I never thought I knew you well /
Tobias: / Teamocil /
Wife of G.O.B.: / But now I think we really gel /
All: / Teamocil. /
George Michael: Teamocil is no longer available. Please try either Groupug, Bondat or consult your own Wellness Guide.
All: Teamocil.
Tobias: You’re out of the band.
Narrator: And back at the bachelor party, Gilligan had arrived and the con was in full swing.
G.O.B.: Let’s have a drink, Gilligan.
Ira Gilligan: It’s Ira, and I’m fine.
George, Sr.: Come on. Have a drink. There’s some stuff coming up you might not be able to handle sober.
G.O.B.: Speaking of which, where’s Buster?
Narrator: In fact, Buster had finished the juice and was desperately looking for his next sugar fix when he discovered the cake in the next room. Unfortunately, he was unaware of the narcoleptic stripper contained within.
Narcoleptic Stripper: Oh!
G.O.B.: Yeah, I better go in the back room and have a look for him.
George, Sr.: Ira... have a drink.
Ira Gilligan: I’m not thirsty. I want some food.
G.O.B.: Ooh. Okay, keep it together. Don’t go all Michael, here.
Michael: Knock, knock. Where’s the married bachelor?
George, Sr.: Michael, I thought you weren’t coming. I thought he wasn’t coming.
