The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part II
Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and John Levenstein.
Michael: Don’t you have a wife that you can go ask now?
G.O.B.: She left me.
Michael: For Tobias?
Tobias: For me?
G.O.B.: No, she doesn’t even like you.
Wife of G.O.B.: I’m in love with your brother-in-law.
G.O.B.: You’re in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Wife of G.O.B.: No, your sister’s husband.
G.O.B.: Michael? Michael!
Wife of G.O.B.: No, that’s your sister’s brother.
G.O.B.: No, I’m my sister’s brother. You’re in love with me— me.
Wife of G.O.B.: I’m in love with Tobias.
G.O.B.: My brother-in-law?
Wife of G.O.B.: I know it can never be, so I’m leaving. I’m enlisting in the army.
G.O.B.: To be with your brother.
Wife of G.O.B.: No.
Michael: You don’t want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay— living off handouts your whole life. Why don’t you come up with a way to make money? A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe a business idea.
Tobias: Well, I’ve always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn’t want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I’d jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn’t just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.
Narrator: And later that day, Maeby spotted something interesting.
Lindsay: What’s happening? Where are you going?
Alex: I’m not allowed to tell. It’s the war.
Lindsay: Oh, come on. These salon wars have got to stop.
Alex: The war, Lindsay. The real war.
Narrator: Lindsay was stunned—not just that she was losing her stylist, but that apparently there was a war going on.
Lindsay: Well, I’m protesting this war. You’re my friend and I’m not going to let Shauna cut my hair. I’m going to take a stand.
Narrator: And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem. G.O.B. and Tobias, meanwhile, were brainstorming at a local coffee shop.
G.O.B.: I need a cup of coffee to focus.
Tobias: It’s so crowded in here. I can’t think. Okay, what is it that people need?
G.O.B.: People love to carbo-load.
G.O.B.: The bagel place.
Tobias: There you go.
Michael: Hey, guys, what’s going on?
G.O.B.: Just researching our investment.
