The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part II
Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and John Levenstein.
Michael: Oh, yeah, coffee places? I’ve thought about these. I’ll tell you what, you guys come up with a proposal, we’ll try one.
Narrator: G.O.B. and Tobias accidentally had Michael on the hook, and they didn’t want to blow the deal.
Michael: I guess that’s a response.
Oscar: Hey, nephew.
Michael: Oh, hey, Uncle Oscar. How are you doing?
Oscar: Wow, you are like, “Oh, the tension.” Come on. Okay, that’s plenty.
Michael: What are you doing?
Oscar: Right there.
Michael: What’s happening now?
Narrator: The two men caught up, neither one anxious to bring up the issue at hand.
Oscar: One on the lips.
Michael: No.
Michael: I’m running the business a little bit differently.
Oscar: Well, you do the best with what you have. I have lemons, I make lemonade.
Michael: That’s a very positive attitude.
Oscar: But I hate the lemonade business, I hate the grind. You have to grind so many (bleep)ing lemons.
Michael: You’re not a very metaphorical person, are you?
Oscar: I need money.
Michael: I know.
Oscar: I can not tell you how that has weighed on me.
Michael: Why don’t we sit over here?
fart joke
Michael: So, I’ve got too many people watching me too closely. So, if you’re willing to work or if you have something of value...
Oscar: The only thing I have of value is my land. I could give you the rights to “All You Need Are Smiles.” It was a song I wrote for David Cassidy. He was going to sing it on the Mike Douglas show, but he was too embarrassed to do it in front of John and Yoko.
Michael: Tell me about the land?
Oscar: Oh, land, it’s a couple hundred acres of lemon groves, right near Camp Pendleton.
Michael: If you’re willing to part with that land, Uncle Oscar, I can guarantee you a little bit more than that $10,000.
Oscar: To be honest, I’ve often thought of giving it up to pursue my lost love. A love that was taken from me.
Narrator: Michael made the trip to survey the land. It was, indeed, beautiful. And the next day, he went to his father to tell him.
George, Sr.: You give that gift to my brother?
Michael: Gift? No, I did not give him a gift. I told you, the money was for investing. and that’s exactly what I did with it, Pop.
George, Sr.: Oh, Michael, this guy’s got nothing in his life. He wrote one song that made Joan Baez call him “the shallowest man in the world.” He has a worthless piece of property, and, yes, a head of hair. Only because he’s never had to work for a living.
Michael: What piece of property is worthless?
George, Sr.: The grove, you know, where he lives. I mean, you can’t build on it, the government has an easement on it.
Michael: Does Oscar know this?
George, Sr.: Of course he knows it. I mean, they run their tanks through there. Occasionally, they stop for a little lemonade, but what’s that? That’s a buck fifty. You can’t make much from that.
Narrator: Indeed, the land was valueless.
Oscar: Fellas! Fellas!
George, Sr.: So... tell me about this investment you made.
Narrator: Back at the model home, Lindsay had decided to not take her hairdresser’s departure lying down.
