Announcer: It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
G.O.B.: I can’t believe they used that part, the one part that I screwed up. It’s not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear.
Michael: Sunk the yacht. Blew it up. Sunk it.
G.O.B.: We sure did.
Michael: We? No. I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up.
G.O.B.: Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can’t be upset if they blow their nose. Right? I mean...
Michael: Lindsay, new outfit?
Lindsay: This? No, I’ve had this for years. I think it’s a hand-me-down from Mom.
Michael: You got a price tag. Right there.
Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you’re lying to me.
Lindsay: Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven’t worn it yet.
Michael: Where are you getting all the money?
Lindsay: It’s not costing you anything, Michael.
Michael: Unless you’re stealing or working, I’m pretty sure it is.
Lindsay: That’s right. I stole it.
Narrator: In fact, Lindsay, tired of wearing last year’s fashions, went to an upscale department store, and in a moment of desperation applied for a job. But she was ashamed of being a shop girl, and was relieved when Michael gave her the out.
Lindsay: Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It’s built into the price. If I didn’t take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.
G.O.B.: So you’re saying you walked in, and without anyone noticing, took an entire outfit? There’s no way that you can do sleight-of-hand that well. I don’t even think that I could do it.
Michael: Yeah, I’ve seen your tape.
Michael: Lindsay, this is appalling.
G.O.B.: What’d you use for misdirection?
G.O.B.: Yeah, I mean, if you’re so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention?
Lindsay: I don’t know. My ass.
G.O.B.: My ass. You’re lying.
Lindsay: No, I’m not.
Michael: You’re gonna take that back.
Lindsay: No, I’m not. This has nothing to do with you. You’re not my father.
Michael: No, our father is in prison for stealing, remember? Which might not be a bad place for you to get used to.
Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I’m white. I think I’m going to be okay.
Maeby: Shoplifting? Cool. Can you take me?
Michael: No, not cool.
Lindsay: Michael, don’t worry about it, okay? She’s not going to go with you.
Lindsay: That was odd.
Michael: I’m going to teach you two a little something about hands-on parenting.