Lindsay: That doesn’t inspire confidence.
Michael: Lindsay, the bead business taking off, is it?
Tobias: Actually, I am the breadwinner, Michael, as it turns out. I was walking in a strange place today... a place I’d never set foot in before.
Narrator: Tobias, walking down a street he’d been down many times, saw a book he’d written years earlier as a psychiatrist. The book, initially unsuccessful, had suddenly caught fire... although strangely, only in the gay community.
Tobias: The book is huge. And I have a bit of money coming my way as a result. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go upstairs and run the shower. Let me know if it’s too loud in the kitchen. Okay.
Michael: So, your husband comes into some money and suddenly he’s not so oblivious anymore, huh?
Lindsay: This is not me being shallow, Michael. He’s written a self-help book that’s helping people. That does take some insight.
Michael: Listen, this better not mean you’re blowing off the bead store.
Lindsay: Well, seeing as though you brought it up, maybe we should get out of this investment. I mean, seriously, Michael... beads?
Michael: I knew you’d do this. You work for, like, three seconds and you find something that’s easier, and you just grab it.
Michael: It’s Dip-a-Pet all over again.
Narrator: Lindsay also had a brief foray into what she had then hoped would be the burgeoning fad of custom pet coloring.
Lindsay: Well, that would’ve worked if you’d sprung for a bigger sink.
Michael: George Michael, our show’s about to start.
Maeby: He went out on his date.
Michael: A date? But we had plans to... A date with who?
Maeby: Some girl. I mean, she barely has a face. You couldn’t pick her out of a lineup of one.
John Beard: ...but first, the palaces of Iraq. Trisha, tell us about these new mini-palaces of Saddam’s you’ve discovered.
Trisha Thoon: Our troops have been living here for the last few days and, as you can tell, they’ve made themselves right at home. Now a lot of this damage is just due to shoddy workmanship. But the real surprise here is that these homes appear to be American built to begin with.
John Beard: There have been sanctions against doing business with Hussein’s regime since the early ’90s, so who built them?
Michael: Does that look a little like our kitchen island?
Trisha Thoon: Well, whoever it is, they’re in a world of trouble.
Narrator: And Michael realized that his father’s crimes might be bigger than he thought.
Trisha Thoon: This might even be considered light treason.
Michael: Oh, my God.
Narrator: Michael just found out his father might have committed some light treason by building model homes in Iraq. And he tried to get a hold of Kitty, who he knew had the evidence. Unfortunately, Kitty was meeting with G.O.B. at the time.
G.O.B.: What about hash browns?
Kitty: No, because hash browns are potatoes.
G.O.B.: So, you really can’t eat anything on this diet. Wow, I wonder how this is going to affect my honey business.
Kitty: G.O.B., I have seen you get passed over, time and time again by your family. You don’t deserve that, you’re smarter than them.
Kitty: G.O.B., this is your time. With my help, knowing what I know, we could take over the Bluth Company together.
G.O.B.: Wow, this is a side of you I’d never noticed before. Have they always been that big?
Narrator: And the next day, Michael went to his mother’s.
Michael: I saw an expose on the Iraq palaces last night and I could’ve sworn that one of them was the Sea Wind unit.
Lucille: That’s funny. I always pictured Iraq in the middle of the desert.
Michael: Dad sold houses to the Iraqis, didn’t he? This is what you kept from me so I could take the polygraph test. Tell me the truth, okay? ’Cause there’s been a lot of lying in this family.
Lucille: And a lot of love.
Michael: More lies.
Lucille: Look, I never knew about anything, but I had my suspicions. He never told me where he was going, but he used to come back from those business trips reeking of lamb. And people would send figs—not even at Christmas—in the middle of October. Oh, and once someone sent him a toe and he went white as a sheet. I think you’re right, Michael.