The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
Outraged Citizen Cries Foul Over “Three Strikes”
Your (Lack of) Privacy Exposed
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Rosenstock.
Revision: 1.20
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. Right now he is taking his son, George Michael, to start a new life in Arizona.
Michael: Phoenix, Arizona. Huh? This is it, boy. We are free. Follow our dreams, you know? And the best part of it? Not working for the family anymore.
George Michael: Yeah, but don’t—don’t you always say family first?
Michael: Yes I do, but that is not a family, okay? They’re a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael: She’s not my real aunt?
Michael: Not a real nose. Got a picture of her when she’s fourteen in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.
Michael: Spend an entire year living in that stupid model home with those people, and all they did was lie to us.
Narrator: The most recent lie was that Michael’s father had had a heart attack while in prison.
Dr. Fishman: We lost him.
Narrator: What the doctor meant to say was that George, Sr. had escaped. A feat he’d accomplished by using the family’s portable stairway vehicle.
Michael: I’d like to see the look on their faces right now. (Imitating.) Where’d he go?
George Michael: Or they’d think we just headed home. Actually, you know, that’s kind of what I thought until I heard about all that Phoenix stuff.
Narrator: Michael was concerned that the full impact of his departure might have been lost on his family.
Lucille: (Answering phone.) Hello, who is this?
- Blue Man Group
- Michael pretends to be “Doctor Blumen,” foreshadowing the storyline with the group.
Michael: (In a deep voice.) Yes, this is Doctor Blumen. I’m calling regarding Michael Bluth.
Lucille: Michael! Phone!
Michael: (Hanging up phone.) They think we’re still there. We’re going back.
Michael and George Michael enter Lucille’s apartment. The off-hook signal can be heard from the phone.
Michael: Hello, mom. Any messages?
Lucille: None.
Michael: No. There was a message, it was about my health. But, doesn’t matter. My son and I...
Lucille: Buster, what are you doing with mother’s rape horn?
Lucille: This is what I’m talking about, Michael. Now that your father has deserted us, Buster has become impossible to control. Suddenly he’s too much of a big-shot to brush mother’s hair.
Michael: Well, I’m not h...
Narrator: George Michael, meanwhile, was approached by his cousin Maeby.
Maeby: So, you’re really leaving, huh? Have you told your girlfriend Bland? I mean, Ann.
George Michael: She’s not my girlfriend. And she’s not bland.
Maeby: Really? Because, I mean, under her school picture, it said, “Not pictured.”
George Michael: Okay, they printed a retraction in the spring supplement.
