The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
Outraged Citizen Cries Foul Over “Three Strikes”
Your (Lack of) Privacy Exposed
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Rosenstock.
Oscar: Do you have any cookies with no preservatives?
Narrator: ... but had gotten his twin brother Oscar instead.
Lucille: Oh, good grief. It’s Oscar.
Oscar: Oh, thank god you’ve come.
Narrator: Lucille had a relationship with Oscar years earlier, which she was not eager to rekindle.
Lucille: What is wrong with you? The boy is here.
Lucille: Let’s get out of here.
Buster: Wh-what about Oscar?
Oscar: Yes. They impounded my humble trailer.
Buster: You’ll stay with us!
Lucille: No, he won’t.
Narrator: Soon, Michael arrived to claim his father, and was met by the family attorney, Barry Zuckerkorn.
Michael: Mmm.
Barry: No, I know, I know. Everybody says leave it alone. Leave it alone. Does this look contagious to you? (Slapping George Michael.) Hey kiddo! All right, it wasn’t your father. It was your uncle. I ran into them as they were leaving.
Lucille: Oh for god’s sake.
Michael: Well, I only came back to tell them that I was leaving, so I guess it’s time to go, son.
Barry: Where are you going?
George Michael: We can’t tell you.
Michael: No, no. We can tell Barry. We’re going to Phoenix.
Barry: Oh, I wish you hadn’t said that. As your lawyer, I have to inform you you cannot leave the state. I mean, with your father gone, they want to hold you.
Michael: Me?
Barry: They’re going to indict you tomorrow. All you have to do is come up with the bail. Take it out of the business.
Michael: But I can’t. I quit. I don’t want to follow in my father’s footsteps.
Barry: Then you might wind up on his cot. Oh man, I wish you hadn’t said Phoenix.
Narrator: Michael had just found out that he couldn’t leave the state, unless he came up with bail.
Michael: Okay, listen. I’m going to get the company checkbook, and don’t tell the family. We can’t give them the satisfaction of telling them that I need money, okay?
Michael: Do you remember what we say about the family?
George Michael: It’s not Aunt Lindsay’s nose.
Michael: Yes, but no.
George Michael: Don’t tell them we were going to...
