The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
Outraged Citizen Cries Foul Over “Three Strikes”
Your (Lack of) Privacy Exposed
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Richard Rosenstock.
Michael: Man, that jury’s going to fall in love with you.
Lucille: What do you need, Michael?
Michael: I don’t need anything. I’m great. Because everyone else is great. I can’t tell you how nice it is to not be needed anymore.
Narrator: It was at that moment that G.O.B. found something the jury might not like...
Narrator: ...and Lindsay arrived at what she thought was a date.
James: Hey. You found it. So, should we start in the kitchen?
Lindsay: I thought, the bedroom.
James: Sure, I’ll meet you up there. I’ve got to make this place smell like cookies. And you should know I am anticipating multiples on this.
Lindsay: Well, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think that was a possibility.
Narrator: Lindsay was nervous, and took a shower to relax.
Lindsay: I can’t do this.
Prospective Buyer: Come on kids, we’ll go downstairs and have some cookies.
Narrator: The kids were in for some bad news too.
Narrator: Tobias, meanwhile, discovered that what he thought was a support group turned out to a team of bald men painted blue. Even Lucille was about to find herself in trouble.
Oscar: (To Buster, combing his hair.) Oh, you’ve done this before.
John Beard: Are you living in one of Saddam’s many palaces? They may have been built by the same developer. And a seal attack. Meet one surprised bather, coming up.
- George W. Bush
- G.O.B. sat with the Saddam documents for seven minutes; George W. Bush sat reading a children’s story for seven minutes after the 9/11 attack.
Narrator: Seven minutes had passed since G.O.B. had discovered the documents.
Assistant: G.O.B., your mother on line 1.
Lucille: (On phone.) I’m coming over. Don’t talk to anyone.
Narrator: It was at that moment that Lucille was stopped by a documentary filmmaker.
Documentary filmmaker: Alright, your company is being accused of profiting off of the buildling of houses in Iraq.
Lucille: That’s crazy, we’re all loyal Americans.
- Michael Moore
- The fat documentary filmmaker is a spoof of Michael Moore, whose documentary, Fahrenheit 911, included a segment where he asked senators to enroll their sons or daughters.
Documentary filmmaker: Oh yeah. Would you enroll your son or daughter in the Army?
Lucille: (Looking at Buster.) Yes.
Narrator: Michael was out of options. And knowing that his father had a penchant for hiding valuable things in walls, considered one last desperate gambit.
Michael: This is crazy. What am I doing using a hammer to try to ... ? Ahhh!
Tobias: But it’s funny, if I hadn’t sought out a support group, I never would have gotten this gig as an understudy for a performance art group.
Michael: Why does everyone think that I need help?
