The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
El Bandito ‘Cornball’: Capturado
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.
Revision: 1.14
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth was at home working on a plan to save the company.
Michael: How’s this for a business model? We make the company look like it’s in the black by starting construction on the Phase Two development. I know what you’re thinking— we’re not in the black. How are we going to build 30 houses without any money? We don’t. We build one. Then we have a huge ribbon-cutting ceremony while we’re raising the funds for the others.
Narrator: Michael’s father always unveiled his construction projects...
- gaffe
- George, Sr. is photographed at the frozen banana stand opening in 1963; however, in Pilot, the banana stand opened in 1953.
Narrator: ... with a highly-publicized ribbon-cutting ceremony.
Narrator: He even did so for the prison he built and, somewhat ironically, would later occupy.
Michael: The only difference is, this time I get to cut the ribbon. What do you think?
Lindsay: There’s a cream with real diamonds in it. I can actually smear diamonds on my face! And it’s only $400 a tub! That’s, like, what, like, a million diamonds for $400? A million bleeping diamonds!
Michael: Okay.
Tobias: Is she on you about that diamond cream?
Lindsay: My husband’s jealous because, since we decided to have an open marriage, I’ve been doing a little better than he has.
Tobias: It is not a competition, Lindsay. We are doing this to save our marriage. But I should be telling you that I have been meeting more than my fair share of groupies. Or should I say “blue-pies”?
Narrator: Tobias had recently auditioned as an understudy for the silent performance-art trio, the “Blue Man Group.”
Tobias: And this is “Kids,” from Bye Bye Birdie.
Narrator: He had yet to hear back from them.
Maeby: You guys think you have the guts to go through with this? Seeing other people?
Narrator: In fact, neither Lindsay nor Tobias did have the guts to go through with it.
Tobias: I already have.
Lindsay: I have, too.
Narrator: Lindsay, because she’d lost her self-confidence.
Man #2: I’d like to buy you a drink. Where’s she going?
Narrator: And Tobias because he was busy keeping an eye on Lindsay.
Lindsay: Who are you going to bring to this ribbon-cutting dance?
Michael: It’s not a dance, and you don’t need a date. Although... George Michael, I’d love for you to come with me when I cut the ribbon at the new house.
George Michael: Oh, wow. Hey, can I bring Ann?
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Ann. You know, she’s... She’s the girl I’m kind of hanging out with.
Michael: I haven’t met Ann.
George Michael: Yes, you have.
Narrator: Michael had met Ann.
George Michael: You let her in. See, that’s ... That’s her right over there.
Michael: Oh, Ann. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know Ann. Hey, you! She’s got a little hard-boiled egg going there?
George Michael: Oh, it’s so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise, and she’ll squirt it in her mouth all over, and then she’ll take an egg and kind of... Mmmm! She calls it a “mayonegg.” Are you okay?
Michael: I don’t feel so good.
George Michael: You know, I kind of want to buy her a diamond.
