The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
El Bandito ‘Cornball’: Capturado
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.
Lindsay: Well, at first I thought you were kind of hot, but... I hadn’t looked closely enough. Listen, I have a construction job for you. And if you clean yourself up, who knows, you might actually get a date out of this. Okay.
Tom Jane: See ya.
Michael: Okay, we’ve all made some sacrifices to be here, but we all want the same thing.
Oscar: I want to live here.
George Michael: I want to buy Ann some diamond dust.
Buster: I’m just hoping to get mildly injured so I can get out of the Army.
Michael: Bottom line is, we’ve got two weeks to build a house. Doesn’t have to be good, just has to look good.
Tom Jane: I just want my kids back.
Narrator: And so the guys went to work.
G.O.B.: Now we’re building a house.
Michael: Yeah, I’m pretty proud.
G.O.B.: So, what do you think? Did I do this, or what?
Starla: Seems like your brother did it.
G.O.B.: Hey, sorry about that “My brother does what I tell him to do” crap, but I want this to be perfect for when I cut the ribbon tomorrow.
Michael: You’re cutting the ribbon? I kind of thought that, since I built it, I might go ahead and...
G.O.B.: Yeah, okay. Can you imagine how that’d look to the board? The construction worker cutting the ribbon? No, no, that’s a job for the president.
Narrator: And later, Michael set about his plan to woo Starla.
Michael: G.O.B., do you have Starla’s phone number? I got a few business things I’d like to go over with the business model.
G.O.B.: Guess who was just over her? Don’t. I’ll tell you. Me.
Michael: Hmm?
G.O.B.: I bleeped the business model.
Narrator: Actually, they just made out.
G.O.B.: Yeah. She had all kinds of orgasms. Imagine that. I finally nailed somebody you weren’t after.
Michael: That’s it. I’ve worked too hard and too long for you to keep getting all the credit, all right? I built that company. I built that house. And I’m going to be cutting the ribbon whether we’re all pretending that you’re president or not.
G.O.B.: Yeah, sure, I just wanted...
Michael: You just wanted what?
G.O.B.: I just wanted you to be impressed with me. Dad never was. Never said a nice thing about me.
Michael: He called you the other day. He didn’t even want to talk to me.
G.O.B.: Of course he did. Never wants to talk to me. Never has.
Michael: Cut the ribbon.
G.O.B.: Really?
Michael: Yeah, how ’bout that?
G.O.B.: Michael...
Michael: I have no problem with it. All right? Take it easy.
G.O.B.: Thank you, partner.
Michael: Come on.
