The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
El Bandito ‘Cornball’: Capturado
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.
- EventsElegance.com
- The DJ’s sign reads: “Events Elegance.com / Let us handle your event. / D.J.’s, Live Music, Catering, Floral Arrangements, Valet Parking, Invitations, Un-Invitations, Gift Baskets, Basket Cases, Clean up Crews, Preparations Crew, Funeral ...
Narrator: The next day, the Bluth family prepared to unveil Phase Two.
Michael: Have you seen your Uncle G.O.B. around?
George Michael: No, and I can’t find that diamond dust that Aunt Lindsay bought for me.
Michael: Oh, well, your Aunt Lindsay has probably taken it. She’s just a taker.
George Michael: This is your chance, huh, with the big ribbon-cutters? After all these years...
Michael: Well, actually, I figured give G.O.B. a chance. You know, the guy doesn’t get a whole lot of attention in this family.
Starla: Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the Bluth Company, Gob Bluth.
- George W. Bush
- G.O.B. unfurls a Mission Accomplished banner and descends onto the scene, much like Bush’s similar declaration of the end of the Iraq war.
G.O.B.: My brother wasn’t optimistic it could be done, but I didn’t take “wasn’t optimistic it could be done” for an answer.
Starla: Whoo!
G.O.B.: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Phase Two of the Bluth Company: a house truly solid as a rock.
Narrator: But as it turns out, Michael was right to not be optimistic it could be done. And Buster saw the chance he’d been waiting for to be hurt and to keep out of the Army. But instead got a glimpse inside.
Buster: I can’t look at that.
Narrator: Unfortunately, Tobias had to.
Tobias: I got the wrong homeless man. I am sorry. I was looking for Lindsay.
Buster: You lied to me. You both lied to me! I’m going to war.
Lucille: Buster, you can’t!
Buster: Yes, I can. I don’t agree with your dirty doings here, but I will defend with my life your right to do it.
G.O.B.: You planned this all out, didn’t you, Michael?
Michael: No, I didn’t. I had no crew. I had no time.
G.O.B.: You set me up.
Narrator: G.O.B. charged at Michael with the scissors, but Michael,
Michael: Put it down.
Narrator: as he always did, picked rock...
G.O.B.: Make it collapse. Make me look foolish.
Michael: G.O.B., don’t do this. G.O.B., the scissors!
Narrator: ...which beat scissors.
Michael: It doesn’t matter. Listen.
Michael: Anyway, what we ought to do is make a decision right now not to let Dad get in the middle of our relationship anymore. I mean, he’s not even in town, and we’re fighting about it.
G.O.B.: We’re grown men.
Michael: Yeah, let’s just move on.
G.O.B.: I mean, look at me. I’m the president of a company now.
G.O.B.: Oh, that’s Dad’s line. I bet he saw the paper.
Michael: Listen, if you want my respect, you won’t answer that, okay? It’s just going to cause more problems.
George, Sr.: Hello? They hung up. They hung up on me. Hi, you guys. Well, I couldn’t get that money.
Michael: I’m impressed you hung up on him.
