Which Came First?
Episode Transcript
Written by Brad Copeland.
Lucille: So, I got a call today from Gene Parmesan, our private eye. He said he found something big.
Michael: What did he find?
Lucille: He said he wanted to tell us in person.
Gene Parmesan: (Italian accent.) Don’t get up. Oh, I just-a find-a the supplies because I’m-a... Private Detective, Gene Parmesan. How are you doing?
Lucille: Oh, Gene! Oh, Gene! Isn’t he the best?!
Narrator: Gene was far from the best.
Michael: Very impressive.
Gene Parmesan: Thank you.
Michael: What did you find?
- Isis
- In Gene Parmesan’s photo, the staircar is seen in front of a pharmacy labelled “Isis.” According to Egyptian mythology, Isis brought her dead husband Osiris back to life after he was killed by his jealous brother.
Gene Parmesan: Oh, nothing. Just your father’s getaway car.
Michael: You’re kidding.
Narrator: Michael’s father had used the family’s stairway vehicle to escape from prison.
Michael: If I could find Dad, I’d be off the hook. I could be president again. Where is it?
Gene Parmesan: Mexico. You get the country for free. The city, that’s going to cost you.
Fireman #2: That’s a $200 fine.
Michael: Oh!
Gene Parmesan: I’m sorry, I feel like such an bleep. The car’s in a town called Encanta. If you think that’s worth more than $200, I’d really appreciate it. I’m not even going to count it.
Michael: Okay, I’ll go to your party and then I’ll go to Mexico. I guess that’ll be my quality time with my son.
G.O.B.: Mexico?
Michael: Yeah. Mom’s P.I. found the staircar down there.
G.O.B.: Gene Parmesan?
Gene Parmesan: Right here.
Lucille: (Shrieks.)
Gene Parmesan: I counted. Come on!
- yellow pages
- The yellow pages entry for Gene Parmesan has the tagline: “Anywhere, anytime, but you’ll never know! original disguises by Mr. Paremsan.”
- yellow pages
- The yellow pages entry for Ice reads: “Put your problems on ICE. (See also: PARTY PLANNERS)”
Narrator: And that’s when G.O.B. became suspicious that Michael had only made him President to stick him with a failing business while Michael himself escaped to Mexico to be with his Father. And so, inspired by his mother’s private detective...
G.O.B.: “Ice.”
Narrator: ...he decided to hire someone to keep an eye on his brother.
G.O.B.: I think I might have someone who’s going to cirsumvrent the law.
Narrator: And Michael returned home, eager to tell his son of their trip.
Michael: George Michael, what do you say you and I take a little road trip down to Mexico tomorrow, right after Buster’s party?
George Michael: Oh, I can’t; I’m meeting Ann.
Michael: Who?
- writer
- The man behind George Michael and Ann in their photo appears to be writer Jim Vallely.
George Michael: Ann. You took this picture of us in front of that bagel place before it was burned down.
Michael: I guess I thought she was with another family.
George Michael: She’s kind of my girlfriend.
Michael: Her?
George Michael: Do you not like her?
