Written by Brad Copeland.
Michael: I don’t know her, you know? It’s like you spend all your time with her. It’s like you’re hogging her. Like you’re a little Ann hog, okay? Don’t be such an Ann hog.
Michael: We’re going to go to Mexico, try to find Papa. It’ll be an adventure.
Tobias: And 8:01. Curtain has risen.
Michael: Hey, Tobias, I was wondering if you are available tomorrow to go down to Mexico. I need two drivers.
Tobias: Alas, I have two shows tomorrow that I am standby for the Blue Man Group. Might as well keep this makeup on, since it takes so bleeping long to get off.
Michael: Hmm. Lindsay, what about you?
Lindsay: Uh, can’t. I have a big date tomorrow.
Michael: You know, this open marriage is ridiculous. Somebody’s going to get hurt.
Maeby: The important thing is that you guys don’t lose focus on yourselves.
Tobias: You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, okay, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you’re the big marriage expert. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead. I’m sorry. That was 100% inappropriate, and I do apologize profusely. I’m... Oh...
Lindsay: Okay, look, I don’t have a date tomorrow, but why can’t you ask G.O.B. to go with you?
Narrator: Michael and G.O.B. had been to Mexico once before.
Mexican Teenager: Chiclet? Chiclet?
G.O.B.: You’re the Chiclet! Not me. Coka, coka, coka, coh!
Narrator: Unfortunately, in Mexican culture, this was a much more inflammatory gesture.
Michael: Hey, hey...
Michael: I just think you and I would have a lot more fun.
Michael: Plus, you can bring Maeby.
Lindsay: You know, I’ve sensed her feeling a little left out lately.
Narrator: And the next morning, the family met at Buster’s sendoff party, where Lucille was not keeping her feelings hidden.
Lucille: A camcorder. That’s so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns.
Buster: I ought to point to Uncle Oscar’s Charlie Browns next time you’re on top of him, Mother.
Lucille: He’s moving out!
Lucille: You see how he treats me just because he thinks I’m having an affair with the boy’s uncle?
Oscar: Yes, and she’s not having an affair with the boy’s... (dramatic music)... uncle.
Buster: It’s too late for apologies. I’m going to the Army! Get me out. You’ve got to get me out.
Michael: Well, you know, I’m headed down to Mexico to try to find Dad, but when I get back, maybe we’ll try to figure something out.
Narrator: And that’s when Buster decided to sneak into Mexico to avoid the service.
Buster: Oh, no, I think it’ll be worked out by then. (Giggles.)
Lindsay: What was that all about?
Michael: I think Buster’s going to escape to Mexico. Did the secretary not give you the picture for Dad? I need that to show the people down there.
Lindsay: I guess she brought that over.
Michael: Well, this, uh, is a blueprint... of Dad’s face. She used the big printer; I’ll give her that.
Michael: Let’s go.
Lindsay: Uh, not so fast. G.O.B., who is that man on the couch?
G.O.B.: Who, that guy? He’s my friend.
Lindsay: You don’t have friends.