Written by John Levenstein.
George Michael: I’m sorry. (Into cell phone.) Hello?
Michael: Hey, buddy, they found your grandfather. That’s what I wanted to tell you.
George Michael: Yeah, that’s great.
Michael: I didn’t want to say that before when you were talking to Egg.
George Michael: I’m actually still talking with Ann.
Michael: Oh, she’s still going, huh? All right, great. Listen. I’ll talk to you later. I’m very excited.
George Michael: That’s good.
Ann 2.0: I think we should break up.
George Michael: (Cries.)
Narrator: The bounty hunter meanwhile was eager to impress the family attorney.
Barry: I cannot believe that you made these.
Narrator: Indeed, Ice had always bounty hunted to support his first love: party planning.
Narrator: And Lindsay was still hoping to score a date with him.
Lindsay: I don’t suppose you’d be interested in catering an “affair” with me.
Ice: Well, when you get a full guest list, let me know.
Lindsay: Why can’t I do this anymore?
Maeby: That’s got to bother you, huh, Dad? I mean, she’s flirting right in front of you.
Tobias: Hmm? Oh. No. I am surprised, though, that she’s going after somebody so similar to my own type, hmm. But I suppose we all do expose our inner desires, don’t we?
Maeby: I think you just did.
Tobias: No, I didn’t.
Maeby: Is there any way I can divorce them?
Barry: Oh, sure. It’s called emancipation. But you’ve got to prove that you’re living in an unstable environment.
Maeby: Both my parents are trying to have affairs. Of course they haven’t succeeded yet.
Barry: If they do, I could have you out of this house, on the street in a month.
Narrator: Soon Michael arrived and Ice began his presentation.
Ice: When word got out that he was building houses for Saddam Hussein, he escaped to Mexico, where as you know, he was arrested, and interred in a local prison until he was killed by this guard. His body was held for six days within the prison walls, when...
Michael: I’m sorry. Sorry... he killed a guard?
Ice: No, the guard killed him. He’s dead. Buried in Mexico.
Michael: Hold on, how do we know this is true?
Ice: Because I have here his dental records, his death certificate... and a political cartoon from a leading Mexican publication.
Ice: Okay... again, I’m a caterer, so if you do have any family events— weddings, wakes... I’ll leave my card.
Lindsay: These are his teeth. He had such perfect teeth. It was that Glisten.
G.O.B.: He swore by that Glisten.
Lindsay: I can still hear him now. “Who left the cap off my bleeping Glisten?”
Lucille: It’s all hitting me now. This is really happening. All this awful funeral stuff. The will, we have to get the will. I don’t know if enough time has passed. I don’t know what I’m saying. Is it in your car, Barry? I’m going to throw up! Check the car, Barry. I don’t know what I’m saying!