Written by John Levenstein.
Michael: Come here.
Buster: Hey, brother. You wanted to see me?
G.O.B.: Buster, yeah. I need you to help me with this illusion that I’m working on.
Buster: Oh, for Dad’s birthday?
G.O.B.: Yeah. Dad’s birthday. So, look, I’m going to get in this coffin. And what I’m going to need you to do is to spin it around to show everybody that there’s no trap door. Then I’m going to escape out the trap door. You close the trap door. Bring in the pallbearers and bury an empty box.
Buster: So, it’s a hoax. But why are you doing a coffin trick on Dad’s birthday?
G.O.B.: Black humor. Say, “Hey, Dad. Look at you. You’re a year older... and a year closer to death.”
Buster: Oh, yeah, I guess that’s kind of funny.
Buster: Okay, but you have to do a favor for me. I’m not really in the Army. And I told Mom I was, but I can’t go to a family event without an Army uniform.
G.O.B.: Oh, yeah. I used to be a stripper.
Buster: Strippers don’t wear clothes.
G.O.B.: Not at the end of the show.
Buster: You mean, you can wear stripper clothes when you’re not stripping?
G.O.B.: You tell me.
Narrator: George Michael went for a walk in the adjoining lot to grieve both losses in private. And he made an interesting discovery.
George Michael: Pop-Pop?
George, Sr.: Hide me. Don’t turn in Pop-Pop. Help Pop-Pop.
Narrator: George Michael snuck his grandfather into the attic and helped clean him up.
George, Sr.: Listen, uh... you can’t tell anybody I’m up here. You have to protect me.
George Michael: Yeah, I know. I can’t not tell my father.
George, Sr.: I’m your grandfather. And I went through hell to get here.
Narrator: He had. After being arrested, he found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system.
George, Sr.: I have money.
Narrator: The Mexican authorities even attempted to fake his funeral. Although it was a less than perfect deception.
George, Sr.: Anyway... I was out and halfway down to Panama and I saw something in a local paper.
Narrator: What he saw was a story about his wife giving mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man. But he knew the truth. She was kissing his brother.
George Michael: I understand what that feels like. I was dumped today. And the bad part is, I can’t even tell my dad how upset I am about it, because he’ll think that I should just be upset about you.
George, Sr.: He wouldn’t be wrong.
George Michael: Well...
George, Sr.: Seems like we’re going through the same thing. I don’t know, why don’t we keep each other’s secrets?
George Michael: Yeah. Okay.
George, Sr.: Listen, if you pass a mini-mart, Pop-Pop gets a treat?
Narrator: And the next morning, Michael ran into his son doing something suspicious.
George Michael: Hi.
Michael: Where are you going with that food?
George Michael: I was just going to... eat some of my grandfather’s favorite foods in my room. That’s the form that my grief is taking.
Michael: I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay: From who, the Nazis?
Michael: No, his girlfriend. From me. I just caught him sneaking up to her in the attic. And he clearly did so because he thinks I don’t approve. You know, I think I’m going to invite her to the wake.