The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
Correction: George Bluth, Sr. Not Yet Dead
The Hot Cops Uncover: George Bluth, Sr.’s Death Certificate
Episode Transcript
Written by John Levenstein.
Michael: Boy, you’re really going through something here, huh?
Lindsay: I know! You know, it’s funny, all those years when I pretended to cry I used to use Dad’s death to get me going. I tried it with Mom’s but I’d just end up smiling and ruining it.
Lindsay: But it feels, like, real, you know? You haven’t really allowed yourself to grieve much at all, Michael.
Michael: My relationship with Dad was much more, uh, much more complicated than yours. It was predicated a lot on secrets and lies. There wasn’t a whole lot of, uh, trust there, you know?
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
- John Wayne
- Tobias mocks Michael as being like John Wayne, putting his name on an airport. The Orange County airport is named “John Wayne Airport.”
Tobias: Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. “I’m not going to cry about my Pa. I’m going to build an airport— put my name on it.” Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings?
Tobias: You can keep them bottled up, but they will come out, Michael. Sometimes in the most unexpected... Hey, where the bleep are my hard-boiled eggs?!
CC: “Christmas Time is Here” plays
Narrator: G.O.B., meanwhile, was preparing for the illusion of being buried alive.
G.O.B.: Boy, you sure got this hole dug out quick.
- George W. Bush
- There is a George W. Bush punching bag in the card shop.
Narrator: In fact, the laborer had been hired by George, Sr. three days earlier for the same hole. And Buster searched for the perfect card.
Buster: “Someone wanted to send you a birthday greeting... See you...” Oh, that is wicked. (Chuckles.)
Buster finds the card humorous based on G.O.B.’s explanation of “black humor” earlier.
Narrator: And soon, the wake that Ice had catered began.
Maeby: What are you doing? Is this what you’re wearing?
Lindsay: My father’s dead, Maeby.
Maeby: Yeah, but you’re not. And Ice is right there.
Narrator: Maeby knew that if she could get her mother to have an affair, she could emancipate.
Maeby: Wait a minute. Let me ask Barry. That might be enough right there.
George, Sr.: Is Oscar wearing my suit? Hey, you tell my brother you don’t wear dead man’s pants. Shame on him. And you say that to him. You say, you say, “Shame on you.”
George Michael: Okay.
George, Sr.: Say it to me like you’re going to say it to him.
George Michael: I’m probably not going to say it to him.
George, Sr.: Okay. Look at her. Look at her down there. Does she look sad to you?
George Michael: Oh, my God, that’s Ann.
George, Sr.: Who?
George Michael: It’s the girl who ripped my heart out. The girl whose face will always be etched in my mind.
George, Sr.: Her?
George Michael: She’s really funny.
George, Sr.: Well, let’s hope so.
George, Sr.: Don’t forget the chicken wings.
George Michael: Ann... did Dad invite you?
Michael: I just figured life’s too short. You two seem to care for each other. Why throw that away, huh? Huh? Okay.
George Michael: You think we really do?
Michael: A father can tell, okay?
Michael: It’s as Ann as the nose on Plain’s face.
Narrator: And Buster arrived, dressed in the military outfit G.O.B. had procured for him.
Michael: What the hell are you wearing?
Buster: It’s all regulation, Michael. To get the top right, the pants had to be a little snug. Is there a birthday gift pile, hmm?
