The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part I
Episode Transcript
Revision: 1.8
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s... Arrested Development.
Narrator: It was Monday morning, and Michael Bluth was nervous about meeting with the new prosecutor of his father’s criminal case.
Narrator: He found his fugitive father earlier in the week, and he was hiding him in the attic, where George, Sr. was currently waiting for his breakfast.
Michael: About the business— just for the record— I was not involved with Dad building houses in Iraq. That’s exactly what I’m going to tell them.
Lucille: Is that for Lindsay? Because she’s not scared to eat in front of me anymore. Those are the whites only, yes?
Michael: These aren’t for Lindsay. These are mine.
Oscar: I got to get out of here.
Michael: Hmm?
Oscar: I can’t take this anymore. She’s just so... loving and affectionate. I-I... this is not the woman I fell in love with.
Michael: Oscar, please. You can’t go. You got to stay, okay? This is the nicest she’s been since she found out that Rosa could breast-feed Buster.
Oscar: Oh, Buster— don’t even bring that up. He’s well into his Army training.
Narrator: Actually, Buster had hit a wall in his Army training.
Buster: I can’t do it; I can’t make my bed, and I can’t do this, either— I’m sorry. Aren’t you supposed to yell at me and call me “homo” and motivate me over this wall?
- Sad Sack
- The comic strip was started in the 1942 by Sergeant Baker, which is also the name of Buster’s sergeant.
Sergeant Baker: We can’t do that anymore. Lawsuit.
Narrator: In fact, it was a recent ruling, prosecuted by the same man who Michael was soon to meet with.
James Alan Spangler: It’s going to be a long time before Sergeant Baker Wendell Baker calls someone “Private Homo” again.
Oscar: Hey.
George Michael: Hey. Hey, Dad, you ready for the prosecutor?
Michael: I-I hope so. How’d that math test work out?
George Michael: Oh, it was okay, I guess, but I don’t know. It was weird; I studied with Ann, but I still got a B-minus.
Michael: Ann got you a B-minus?
George Michael: Well, it wasn’t Ann. She’s an expert in math. Isn’t that cute?
Michael: Is it?
- not pictured
- Ann’s “Not pictured” yearbook entry calls back to Maeby’s comment in The One Where Michael Leaves.
Narrator: Michael felt his son was setting the bar too low with his dating standards.
George Michael: No, it wasn’t Ann’s fault. You know, I think I just ended up thinking about the-the questions too long, and then by the time I put an answer down, I went with, like, my fifth choice or something like that.
Michael: Oh, George Michael, never settle for fifth choice. Something better is going to come along. She just has to.
George Michael: I think maybe sitting in the back of the class with Ann is a bad idea. You know, she’s just so pretty... I get distracted, I guess.
Michael: Do you?
George Michael: I wish I could draw her nose.
Michael: Maybe it’s your eyes. Maybe you need glasses. For your grades. Didn’t you say you had a hard time reading the board sitting in back?
George Michael: No, I said I was in the back of the classroom, but still, no, no...
Michael: Yeah, that’s what I mean, yeah?
George Michael: Well, I don’t know, maybe.
Michael: No, definitely. I’ll call the eye doctor. I’m going to set you up an appointment. Okay?
Tobias: Hey, gang.
