Michael: Tobias.

Tobias: Oh, ooh... I’m afraid I’ll have to take ’em to go. I’m late for the gym. Oh, and also, here’s the number in case the Blue Man Group calls and needs an understudy.

Lindsay: (Hoarsely.) I just can’t stand it— Tobias staying in shape for a bunch of slutty gym rats.

Michael: What’s wrong with your voice?

Lindsay: Nothing. I’ve been going out.

Man #3: I didn’t catch that.

Lindsay: Woo!

Lindsay: I wonder how many women he’s slept with, if any.

Michael: Lindsay, it’s not a competition.

Lindsay: Of course it is, Michael. That’s why they call it “scoring.”

Michael: Maybe in the ’70s.

Lindsay: That many? We’ve only been doing this for a month.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.29 (66 votes)

Michael: You know, instead of competing with Tobias, why don’t you try just spending a little bit more time with your daughter?

Lindsay: Why? Tobias doing that?

Doorbell rings.

Narrator: At that moment, Lindsay’s daughter Maeby was in the process of wooing her own man.

Maeby: Who is it?

Steve Holt: Steve Holt!

Narrator: Maeby had even started ordering unnecessary items just to have more occasions to see him.

Steve Holt: Uh, you ordered a “Memories of Thanksgiving” basket?

Maeby: Wow, that looks great.

Lindsay: Maeby, who’s your friend?

Steve Holt: Is this your sister?

Lindsay: (Laughing.) No... but you just made my day.

Maeby: Thank you for the basket. See you.

Lindsay: He thinks I’m cute.

Maeby: He’s 19. He’s a senior at my high school.

yearbook

Steve Holt’s yearbook entries read: (1) “Nickname: Steve Holt!, Activities: Football, I’m out of here!” (2) “Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Drama, Quote: ‘See ya, suckers!’ (3) Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Food Services, ...

yearbook

Other yearbook entries include January James (“Nickname: February”), and Christine Hanahka (“Nickname: Chris Miss; Activities: Present wrapping; Quote: ‘...more days till...’ ”)

Narrator: And had been for several years.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.37 (63 votes)

Lindsay: You know what? I think I am going to spend more time with my daughter.

Michael: I can’t promise you I won’t tell the prosecutor about that.

George, Sr.: Where you been?

Michael: Are you wearing my dead wife’s maternity clothes?

George, Sr.: Yeah. It’s the only thing I could find.

George, Sr.: So, you ready for this new prosecutor?