The One Where They Talk About Season Two
A Tale of Two Sitcoms: Part 2
The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part I
Episode Transcript
Narrator: Michael returned home to confront his father.
Lindsay: Mom was up here looking for you. She’s claiming Oscar’s disappeared because of something you said to him.
Michael: I can’t talk right now.
Lindsay: Really? What’s wrong with your voice?
Michael: I can talk— sure. I didn’t say anything to Oscar. Anything else?
Lindsay: No. Oh, hey, did I tell you I accidentally ran into Steve Holt?
Steve Holt: Wow. Everything about you is so womanly. You’re everything a woman should be.
Lindsay: (Hoarsely.) Thank you, Steve.
- her words
- Lindsay sounds like Lucille (in In God We Trust) with “her words.”
Lindsay: But Mom isn’t the only one “finding love” where she least expects it—her words.
Michael: Whoa-whoa. “Finding love—” she said that? Where, here?
Lindsay: Yeah, she won’t shut up about him. She said “tingling” like, 75 times.
Lucille: ...gets me tingling. You know, with Oscar, there’s love, and with this tingling, and with Oscar...
Michael: She said those words in this house?
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michael: Dad? Hello?
Narrator: Michael had just discovered that his father had escaped from the attic.
Lucille: Hello?
Michael: This is going to sound like a strange question. Have you seen Dad?
Lucille: Of course not. And I’m not talking to you. You tried to scare away Oscar, which didn’t work. He’s back.
George, Sr.: (Disguised as Oscar.) I just, uh, I just want to have sex with you. That’s, that’s all I’m good for.
Lucille: Did you hear that? He said he just wants to have sex with me.
Michael: Good-bye, Mom.
Lucille: You smell like a pine cone.
George, Sr.: Yeah, that’s the weed. I went to my, uh, bleep-hole trailer and, uh, I smoked some, like a cigarette.
Lucille: Should we take it into the bedroom?
George, Sr.: Only if you really love me.
Lucille: Of course I do. Oh... What’s wrong with you? Where are you going?!
George, Sr.: I’m on mushrooms! I’m on bad... mushrooms!
Narrator: And soon the prosecutor’s evidence became public.
John Beard: We’ve obtained photographs that officials call definite proof of WMDs in Iraq. What that means for your weekend at 10:00.
Narrator: It seems that due to the new information sharing provisions in the Patriot Act, the photos had made the rounds through several branches of government, and ultimately, to the US Army itself.
Buster: I just came back to tell you I can’t do that wall.
Sergeant Baker: There’s no time for that. We’re shipping out without you.
Buster: What?
Sergeant Baker: Didn’t you see?
Buster: Weapons of... mass destruction?
G.O.B.: Those bastards.
