Episode Transcript
Michael: G.O.B., I’m very impressed with the offer. And I’m gonna run it upstairs, see what kind of reaction it gets. So to speak.
Narrator: Michael hoped to impress his father.
Michael: Think it all sounds pretty good.
George, Sr.: Pretty good? It was horrible. What, are you taking stupid pills again? I...
Narrator: But their old dynamic returned when George, Sr. did.
George, Sr.: G.O.B. was the only one down there who knew how to handle that hairless freak. Thank God we have G.O.B. on our team.
Michael: You know, Dad, G.O.B. doesn’t really do all that much for our team. In fact, I think it’s time that I get put back in charge.
George, Sr.: Michael, listen to me. Lately, your ideas— they’re horrible. And Sitwell’s just trying to figure out our batting order for the softball game on Saturday. I’m telling you this.
Michael: G.O.B. said the same thing, Dad, but I-I doubt that this guy’s trying to drop $15 million to find out our batting order.
George, Sr.: Hey, this game goes way, way back.
Narrator: It was a fierce rivalry with George, Sr. using everything at his disposal to win...
George, Sr.: No hair! Haven’t got no hair.
Narrator: ...while Stan Sitwell used the game to raise funds...
George, Sr.: No hair!
Narrator: ...for underprivileged kids.
George, Sr.: Oh, oh, I think one of your orphans is heading toward the street.
Umpire: Strike three.
George, Sr.: You go down there, and you-you... you tell him to go screw himself, and you apologize to your brother. We need him on our side, and we need him happy.
Michael: Where’s Sitwell?
G.O.B.: Sorry, I told him to screw off. But get this. He offered me a job.
Michael: What?
G.O.B.: Well, I’m not waiting on my brother. I pass. You look surprised.
Stan Sitwell: I’m sorry. I must have put it on too high.
Stan Sitwell: But you were right. It was a bad offer, and you were smart enough not to take it. You got gumption, you speak your mind. That means you’re good enough to work for me.
G.O.B.: Bleep you.
- Homeless Dad
- The movie studio has a banner congratulating Tom Jane’s movie, Homeless Dad, for being the #3 movie in America.
Narrator: Tobias and Maeby, meanwhile, had mapped the route to the audition.
Tobias: Well, here we are. And home we go. With plenty of time to get you to English class.
Maeby: Wait. You can’t do a U-turn on your dream. I say, we get you on the lot and get the Fünke name out there. Start talking you up around the water coolers.
Tobias: Oh, Maeby, we’ll never get on here. I mean, behind these walls are the biggest stars in the world. America’s treasures.
Andy Richter: Damn it!
Maeby: Dad, you’re auditioning for the part of a confidence man. Let’s try a little confidence.
Studio Guard #1: You say Confidence Man? Hey, I’m up for that part, too.
Tobias: Oh.
Studio Guard #1: Good luck to you.
Tobias: Good luck to you, too.
Narrator: As Tobias was gaining self-confidence, Michael was struggling to keep his.
George Michael: Hi, Dad. Wow, you’re President again?
Michael: Yes. This is the way it should be.
Michael: What do you think of when you hear the word Sudden Valley?
George Michael: Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason, I don’t want to eat it.
