Written by Chuck Martin and Lisa Parsons.
Tobias: Please, Michael, give me some of your money.
Michael: I’ve got $5,000, and I need that for Sally. But if you want to make a low bid...
Tobias: $5,000!
Auctioneer: For that? Sold!
Michael: I think you overpaid.
Narrator: George Michael’s prospects were also improving, as the two made prank phone calls together.
Ann 2.0: Hey, rubberneck!
Michael: Ann, could you and George Michael please call someone else for a little while?
Ann 2.0: He knows it was us!
George Michael: What?!
Auctioneer: We finally got a good one coming up— Sally Sitwell. What do I hear?
Voices: $500.
Stan Sitwell: You’re not bidding? I was hoping you would.
Michael: You were?
Stan Sitwell: You’re a good kid; you always have been. Not like that showboat of a father of yours, if you don’t mind me saying.
Michael: I-I-I’ve called him so much worse. The truth is, sir, I am interested, but I don’t have the money to buy your daughter.
Stan Sitwell: (Chuckles softly.) Well, you sure do drive a nice car, and I need one. Mine got torched today. Drop it off when you drop my daughter off tonight.
Narrator: And finally, with both the approval of Sally’s father and the lack of approval of his own, Michael was ready to make his move.
Michael: $15,000.
Sally Sitwell: (Laughing.) Wow. I got to tell you, this puts a lot of pressure on me.
Michael: It’s for a good cause.
Sally Sitwell: I heard it was to reseed the greens. It’s going to be a lot of shifts for you at the banana stand, huh?
Michael: I should be honest with you. I don’t have that much money, and I sold the Corvette to cover it.
Sally Sitwell: That was quick; to who?
Michael: Your father, as a matter of fact.
Sally Sitwell: My father?
Michael: Yeah.
Sally Sitwell: My father can’t drive a convertible.
Stan Sitwell: Mind if I open it up?
Engine revving and tires squealing.
Stan Sitwell: Wow! She’s got some pickup.
Sally Sitwell: This is just like him. He always interferes with everyone I date. Well, you can tell him to give you your car back.
Michael: But... I bought you.
Sally Sitwell: Sorry, I’m not like you. I’d almost rather date someone my father doesn’t approve of. Thanks anyway.
Michael: That-that-that is like me. That’s exactly like me.
Narrator: And soon it was time for G.O.B. to bid on his mother.
Lucille: The only one bidding on Lucille 2 is that hairless Sitwell.
Auctioneer: Eight, nine?
G.O.B.: Sitwell’s bidding on Lucille 2? First he fires me, then he steals my...
Auctioneer: Going once.
G.O.B.: ...mother’s best friend.
Auctioneer: Going twice.
G.O.B.: $10,000!
