Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s... Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth arrived home to find his mother, Lucille, in a state of agitation.
Lucille: I think the company is in trouble.
Michael: What tipped you? The falling profits, or that we’re a regular feature on Bill O’Reilly’s “Most Ridiculous Item of the Day”?
Lucille: I’m talking about the fact that my “friend,” Lucille Austero, bought our company, and I think she’s going for a power grab— that bitch!
Michael: You’re not at home, Mom. She doesn’t live next door when you’re here.
Michael: Secondly, she’s already grabbed power. She’s the majority shareholder of the company.
Lucille: I’ll tell you what she wants to grab— your brother G.O.B.
Narrator: In fact, Lucille 2 was already with G.O.B.
G.O.B.: You look really nice.
Narrator: But she was growing tired of his neediness.
Lucille: She’ll sell the company, or break it up into little parts or something, all under the guise of “caring” about our family.
Michael: I certainly hope she’s not planning a move.
Lucille: I wouldn’t put it past her.
Lucille: She’d love to get at me any way she could. That’s why she’s been flirting with G.O.B. She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am, but the joke’s on her, because she doesn’t know how little I care for G.O.B.
Michael: I think that makes the joke on G.O.B.
George Michael: Hey, Dad.
Michael: Hey, buddy. Was that Gangee who was just... You all right?
Michael: Sorry. Your grandmother had a little accident here.
George Michael: Oh. Does that mean she’s going to have to come live with us?
Michael: No, no. No. It was her drink, and even if it wasn’t...
Michael: Do you remember when I bid on Sally Sitwell at the bachelorette auction? They sent me this basket with all this stuff for our date— you know, the whole package. Anyway, I thought maybe we could do it together, you know, sort of like a Valentine’s present.
George Michael: You’re not gonna take Sally?
Michael: Sally? No, no, I wanted it for us. I never wanted to be with Sally.
Narrator: Actually, Michael had gone over to Sitwell Enterprises...
Sitwell Secretary: Michael Bluth to see Sally.
Narrator: ...one day earlier to set up the date with Sally.
Sitwell Secretary: I’m afraid she’s not here, Michael. If you’d like me to take the package, I can give it to her.
Michael: No, no. This is, uh, this is not for her. It’s for my son. Just... don’t tell her I came by.
Narrator: In fact, Sally wasn’t there, and the person Michael saw was her father.
Stan Sitwell: You kidding? This makes me look like my daughter.
Stylist: Oh, no one’s going to think that.
Stan Sitwell: I look like Edgar Winter here. Forget it. I’ve gotta get to spin class.
Michael: So, what do you say? We got a basket full of father-son fun here.
George Michael: What’s Kama Sutra oil?
Michael: Maybe it’s not for us.
Tobias: (Laughing.) Valentine’s Day, when Cu... Oh! Was your mother here?
Michael: You all right? I’ll help you up.