Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.
Michael: No, you’re going to go with Tobias or not at all.
Michael: Now, tell me what you found out at Sitwell.
Lindsay: Oh, you still want me to do that?
Michael: You didn’t?! Lindsay, I give you one thing to do for the business, and you can’t even do it. I mean, if you’d tried and failed, I’d understand, but you didn’t even try.
Lindsay: So I didn’t even fail, and I don’t see you giving me credit for that.
Narrator: Michael knew that since Lindsay let him down, he had no choice but to ask Uncle Jack for the money to save his company.
Uncle Jack: Pretty.
Michael: You think you should be perched on the edge of the building like this?
Uncle Jack: Oh, Dragon’s got me.
Michael: Dragon’s in the bathroom.
Uncle Jack: Mama!
Michael: Come on, I got you. Gotcha. It’s okay.
Uncle Jack: (Pants.)
Narrator: So, Michael laid out his dilemma.
Michael: ...I’d just hate to see the family company get ruined.
Uncle Jack: I was hoping that this was a social visit.
Michael: Hmm.
Uncle Jack: Particularly when that sister of yours started giving me the cutie-eye. Mm...
Michael: She did?
Uncle Jack: Unfortunately, that moose was holding me, so I couldn’t make my move. Of course, I couldn’t make that move without that moose, but that’s my challenge.
Uncle Jack: I want the wheelchair! Twirl me around!
Michael: Hey, hey...!
Uncle Jack: (Grunts.)
Michael: I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha...
Uncle Jack: (Garbled cough.)
Michael: You all right?
Uncle Jack: But Valentine’s Day is here, and I’m alone. The moose is no one. Perhaps if I had a little companionship, I’d be a little more disposed to whip out that old wallet of mine.
Michael: You’re saying if-if I were to set you up with my sister, you would consider bailing us out?
Uncle Jack: Oh, yeah.
Narrator: Michael was torn. The business meant the world to him, but his sister’s honor...
Michael: Let’s do it.
Narrator: ...meant a lot, too.
Michael: Let’s go share the good...
Narrator: Michael had offered his sister to his Uncle Jack in exchange for money to save the company. Remember, it’s not their real uncle.
Lindsay: He’s cute, isn’t he?
Michael: So cute.
Lindsay: And imagine him without that muscle-y little old guy in his arms.
Michael: Oh, Dragon, right. Well, that’s why I was thinking, maybe you should go with Dragon on that romantic getaway. Huh?
Lindsay: Oh!
Michael: I mean, I know he’s-he’s working, so Uncle Jack’s gonna have to go along.
Lindsay: Oh, well, as long as he promises not to shake him.
Michael: Hmm.
