Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.
G.O.B.: Not while we’re around.
Buster: We’re not done here, G.O.B.!
Michael: Tobias... Tobias, I’m sorry. I set this up for Lindsay. Lindsay, I’m sorry. You were not on a date with Dragon.
Lindsay: I know that, Michael. It was pretty obvious when Dragon kept swooping Uncle Jack in for a kiss. You said I never did anything for the company. I-I just thought I’d try. But Tobias... I never thought you’d ever fight for me.
Tobias: I had no idea a 90-year-old man could cave in my chest cavity like that.
Lindsay: Dragon, would you mind carrying my husband to the car?
Tobias: (Groans.) Oh, God!
Uncle Jack: I love takin’ a guy down. I think I snapped one of his ribs. No, it’s my leg. Bet that would hurt.
Michael: I guess the deal’s off now, now that I actually need you to help us out?
Uncle Jack: I’ll make you a deal. You carry me, and I’ll carry you.
Michael: Thanks, Uncle Jack.
Uncle Jack: Yeah.
Michael: Let’s see here...
Uncle Jack: I think we should get to the hospital. This duct tape is the only thing that’s keeping the ankle on.
Michael: Okay.
Uncle Jack: (Grunting.) Right around there. Oh! I think you’re right inside me now.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development,
Lindsay: And he’s gonna make me President. (Laughs.)
Narrator: ... Tobias listens to a day’s worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to, ...
Tobias: (On tape.) ...even it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias: (On tape.) Oh, I’ve been in the film business for a while, but I just can’t seem to get one in the can.
Tobias: It’s out of context.
Tobias: (On tape.) I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: (... and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.)
Tobias: Tobias... you blowhard! (Chuckles.)
had no lines
