The Young Man and the Seal
Episode Transcript
Written by Chuck Martin and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Revision: 1.8
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s... Arrested Development.
Michael: George Michael, are you around?
Narrator: Michael was looking for his son with whom he had a secret to share.
Michael: There you are. Hey, pal, you alone?
George Michael: Almost always, yeah. You know, Maeby’s never around anymore, and Ann’s off with her religious group trying to get Nip/Tuck taken off the air.
Michael: They don’t like Nip/Tuck?
George Michael: Well, you know, they don’t like anything. Something about God wants people to age naturally or, I don’t know. Ironically, she likes Gangee.
Michael: Listen, you know I would never date anyone without you being okay with it, right?
George Michael: Yeah, and you don’t have to do that.
Michael: Great, because I didn’t do it this time. I kind of reconnected with that blind prosecutor I used to date, Maggie Lizer.
George Michael: Her? Didn’t she turn out to not to be blind, though?
Michael: Exactly.
George Michael: But she’s filled out a little bit.
And it seems as if I’m the father.
George Michael: Do you know this for sure? I mean, she does lie. She might not really be pregnant.
Michael: See, that’s what I thought. Boy, you really are my kid.
George Michael: Good.
Michael: Apparently, so is this one.
Narrator: Michael found this out after having Lindsay and Tobias break into Maggie’s house and hide in the bathroom to collect and test her urine. It was there that they stumbled upon a fat suit.
Tobias: That’s what it is.
Narrator: Michael confronted Maggie about this.
Maggie: Oh, you’re so right, Michael, ’cause I’m faking it.
Narrator: But he was proven wrong.
Maggie: Not.
George Michael: Maybe it’ll be exciting, you know, be a big brother.
Michael: It’ll be fun. There you go! Would be fun, wouldn’t it?
George Michael: Big brother— me.
Michael: Not going to happen, though, because she doesn’t want anything to do with me. But look, I know you’ve been bored. You and I are going to have some fun together. Maybe we’ll even have ourselves a little adventure. Meanwhile, I guess this family’s big enough, huh?
Narrator: In fact, Michael’s family had just gotten a little smaller.
Michael: Hello.
Lucille: (Shrieks.)
Michael: Mom, you’ve got to stop starting conversations like that.
Lucille: Something happened to Buster! He lost part of his body. I don’t know which one.
Oscar: The hand.
Lucille: I told him to stay out of the ocean, but we had a fight. Who remembers about what?
Narrator: I do. Buster had discovered that his Uncle Oscar was his true father.
Buster: You lied to me.
Lucille: You were never supposed to know.
Buster: I’m going to war!
Narrator: As an act of defiance to Lucille, he first went swimming in the ocean, where he was attacked by a loose seal.
