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Hand to God

Episode Transcript

Written by Chuck Martin and Mitchell Hurwitz.

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Loretta: It’s time!

Gavel banging.

Maggie: Oh, my God, my water broke, too. I’m in labor.

Narrator: Maggie wasn’t but had not choice but to pretend to deliver at the same time. And G.O.B. caught up with Maeby and made a confession.

G.O.B.: I think I’m responsible for Buster’s hand.

Maeby: Yeah, and I’m responsible for an $80 million movie without an ending.

G.O.B.: Yeah, I know those problems seem big when you’re a kid, Maeby.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.58 (97 votes)

Maeby: Look, this is kind of weird advice for me to be giving, but why don’t you just tell him the truth? I mean, he’ll respect you for it.

G.O.B.: Thanks, Maeby.

Maeby: Okay, now I’m just lying for no reason.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.45 (77 votes)

Narrator: And Michael arrived at the courthouse, only to discover that Maggie had already been rushed to the hospital. And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life.

Lucille: Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.’s.

Narrator: It was at that exact moment that Buster did forget he’d lost his hand.

Oscar: (Cries out in pain.) No, stop it, stop it, stop it. Oh, you caught my tendon in your claw!

Buster: My claw? (Shrieks.) (Whimpering.) I’m a monster! (Deranged yelling.) (Screams.) (Yells.)

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.57 (68 votes)

Oscar: Whose idea was the temporary hand?

Lucille: (Yelling.)

Buster: (Sighs.)

G.O.B.: Hi. There’s something you need to know.

Lucille: There’s nothing he needs to know. (Sotto voce.) Take his hand. Take it now.

G.O.B.: It was my fault. It was my seal. I released him, and he bit off your hand. Wow, the truth feels good.

Buster: You did this to me?

G.O.B.: Yeah.

Narrator: And G.O.B. was about to experience something that didn’t feel that good.

Buster: (Screaming.)

Narrator: Michael, meanwhile, notified the policemen that Maggie was in the hospital.

Michael: I’ll meet you there.

Officer Carter: We’re on our way.

Officer Taylor: I’m getting goose bumps.

Michael: Okay, I’m going to go in there with Maggie. As far as I know, she’s already had the kid, okay? We’re having some adventure though, huh? You can’t say we’re not having fun.

Hospital Man: Don’t smoke, sonny. (Coughing weakly.)

Maggie: Michael. Oh, I’m glad you’re here.

Michael: Is this our little bundle of... two gay cops’ baby.

Vote: ***** / Average: 4.16 (44 votes)

Michael: Shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Officer Taylor: Here it is. This came from our cup.

Officer Carter: That little fella was in our cup once.

Michael: Here’s something I think you both need to have.

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