Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Michael: You’re up awful early.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well, my marriage is falling apart. Tobias is back with Carl.
Narrator: Tobias had gotten a call from his one-time acting teacher, Carl Weathers.
- license plate
- Tobias has the following plates made up: (“Yes, your [sic] following”) “INM8 2,” “BLUMN,” “CONMAN2” “DRHOUSE.”
Narrator: He’d even gotten a vanity plate made up announcing the achievement. And this wasn’t the first time.
Lindsay: He’s so clueless. He’s not your real take-charge husband.
Michael: You know, Lindsay, you’re still looking for somebody like Daddy. Okay? Now, let’s not forget that he was also dismissive and disinterested.
Lindsay: No, no. He had good qualities.
Narrator: Actually, George, Sr. was secretly living in the attic above them...
George, Sr.: Nellie...
Narrator: ...and was starved for company...
George, Sr.: (To dolls.) Now... who wants to take their top off?
Narrator: ...when George Michael and Maeby came in.
Maeby: So you and Ann are actually going on a Christian camping trip?
George Michael: It’s called the Promise Land. You’re supposed to make promises about your relationship as a tribute to the generations that preceded you. Hey, there’s booze in this.
Maeby: That’s the Promised Land that Ann’s taking you to? You’re going to need this more than Polly here.
George, Sr.: That one’s Polly?
Michael: Hey, what are you kids doing up here?
George Michael: We’re just looking for the camping stuff. Hey, do you know where the pump is for the air mattress?
Michael: I had to take all pumps out of here a long time ago. Take this down to the kitchen, will you?
Michael: I think it’s getting a little too risky keeping you up here.
George, Sr.: Yeah, you know what’s risky? Letting your son go on that church thing.
- mistaken names
- Michael thinks George, Sr.’s reference to “that church” is about Ann 2.0.
Michael: Well, her name’s Ann, Dad. And he’s not going on her, okay? They’re just friends.
George, Sr.: Not for long. They-They’re making promises to each other? It’s all that fidelity and pledging yourself to a woman garbage. You know, I wine ’em and dine ’em, but I don’t let ’em tell me what to do.
Michael: Okay, I should have never taken the pumps out of here.
Michael: Listen, unlike you, I respect my son’s choices. (Knocking.) Okay, I don’t think you should be going on this Promise Land thing.
George Michael: What? Why? Is this because I’d miss school?
Michael: No, no.
Maeby: You get to miss school for that?
Narrator: And that’s when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.
Michael: It-It’s not about school, pal. It’s more about family. Your Uncle Buster’s been very depressed lately, and you haven’t visited him. Family first. Or did they not teach you that at the Promise Land?
George Michael: I don’t know. You won’t let me go.
