Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Michael: (Clicks tongue.) That-a-boy.
Narrator: Michael then went to the office, where he ran into G.O.B.
G.O.B.: Barry come by yet? I-I need to talk to him about my divorce.
Narrator: G.O.B. had once gotten married on a dare, a fact he’d only remembered when he was served with divorce papers.
G.O.B.: That cow is going after me.
Michael: Your wife? She was super-thin.
G.O.B.: She was?
Michael: Yeah.
G.O.B.: What about her cans? She had big cans?
Michael: You don’t remember her at all, do you?
G.O.B.: Hey, it was one night of wild passion.
G.O.B.: Her lawyers are claiming that the seal’s worth 250 grand. And that’s not even including Buster’s Swatch.
Michael: Listen, G.O.B., if you admit in court that you never consummated the marriage, you could get it annulled and walk away free and clear.
G.O.B.: You just can’t deal with the fact that I’ve got a super-thin wife with huge cans.
Barry: All right, who’s ready to show their lawyer some love? The seal? (Laughs.) Must have had a tracking device on it. Someone tracked it all the way to a dock in Dana Point.
Narrator: And Tobias met with Carl Weathers at Burger King.
Carl Weathers: Thanks for meeting me down here at Burger King. I’m trying to get them to underwrite a new TV project I’m working on. Get some money in exchange for setting a scene here at Burger King.
Tobias: Well, as long as you don’t draw attention to it.
Carl Weathers: You know, I’m directing an episode of the series Scandal Makers. It’s about the Bluth family and your father-in-law’s escape from justice. I play the lead, a bounty hunter.
Tobias: Oh.
Carl Weathers: Name of Ice.
Tobias: Oh, no. You want me to play myself, don’t you?
Carl Weathers: No, no, no, no, no. I-I... I already got a great guy named Dave Attell to play you. I wasn’t actually here to ask you to be in it. I was looking for somebody in your family to sign a release.
Tobias: I could not betray my family like that.
Carl Weathers: Come on, man. I got every part cast except for George, Sr.
Tobias: I want that part.
Carl Weathers: Then sign over the rights.
Carl Weathers: I’m gonna go get a new soda. Hey, you know that you can get a refill on any drink you want here, and it’s free? (Laughs.)
Tobias: (Laughs.) It’s a wonderful restaurant. Mmm!
Narrator: It sure is.
Narrator: George Michael, meanwhile, spent an afternoon with his uncle at his father’s suggestion.
George Michael: King me. Oh, my God.
