Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Buster: (Laughs.) I certainly can’t walk around like this!
Michael: Why not?
G.O.B.: Very handsome.
Michael: So, listen, we were just going to call you. We think we know where that seal is.
Buster: The seal that did this to me?
Michael: Yeah.
Buster: Take me!
G.O.B.: Yes. That’s a good idea. Oh, no. I’m gonna go with Barry.
Michael: Don’t let him in the car.
G.O.B.: No, no, you should get in here. I’ll have to go with Barry! No, no, there’s not enough room for you and me and the stump... Barry!
Narrator: Tobias had gotten his first speaking role, simply by signing away the life rights of everyone he loved. And now he needed some research.
Tobias: (British accent.) I’m George, Sr.. Ooh, that’s good. That’s the voice. I’ve got the voice.
George, Sr.: That’s not my voice.
Tobias: Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
George, Sr.: I’m having a bleeping tea party. What does it look like? I live here. You tell anybody, you are dead.
Narrator: Tobias saw the raw power of George, Sr..
George, Sr.: Stop licking my hand, you horse’s ass.
Narrator: A power he needed the man to teach him.
Tobias: That’s it.
Narrator: So he explained the project, and George, Sr. agreed, on one condition.
George, Sr.: If you play me, you got to play me like a man and not like some mincing little Polly or-or Nellie! I get those names confused. Apology. (To dolls.) Apologies all around.
Narrator: And the search for Buster’s hand continued.
Buster: I would love to be able to say, “Look what I’ve had reattached while you and George Michael were off to Motherboy.”
Michael: Motherboy? Wait a minute. Mom took him to Motherboy?
Buster: (Laughs.) Oh. He couldn’t wait to swoop in and throw on the sailor suit. ’Cause he’s not damaged goods.
Michael: Wait a minute. I don’t want him doing that. You got to go with me down there and help me get him, all right? That place is your scene.
Buster: Face it, Michael. They’ve won. He’s the new Buster.
Narrator: This was the worst thing Michael could possibly hear.
Barry: Oh, oh, oh, I’m so sorry. False alarm. What they tracked down was a shark. And he must’ve bitten off the part of the seal with the tracking device on it. Left flipper.
Fisherman: That tracking device tells me he was raised in captivity. There’s no way he stood a chance out in the real world.
Michael: See that, Buster? He was a victim, too. You both were too sheltered to learn how to protect yourselves, and we can’t let that happen to George Michael.
Buster: I will help you, Michael. We’ve got to rescue your son.
G.O.B.: And I’ve got to staple this to a seal.
Barry: And I skipped breakfast, so I’m off to Burger King.
Narrator: And Lucille arrived at the hotel where Motherboy was taking place.
Lucille: This is nice, spending some time, just the two of us. Well, bleep me. The exact same color. What are the odds? Not to worry. Gangee brought some backups. We’ll get a room so we can change. You think enough time has passed to do Sonny and Cher?
George Michael: Who?
Lucille: We’re here for Motherboy.
Hotel Clerk: And you do realize this is not the band.
Narrator: Motherboy was also a heavy-metal band that used to rock pretty hard in the ’70s. We are legally obligated to make the distinction.
George Michael: You know, maybe I should let my dad know that we’re here.
