Episode Transcript
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Buster: (Screaming.)
Boy Sailor: (Mumbling.) You came for me!
Lucille: Zip me up.
Lucille: We’re switching rooms again. And costumes.
Narrator: Tobias had begun work on the set of Scandal Makers.
Carl Weathers: What’s so great about Tobias is he’s got this obligation to his wife and his daughter.
Dave Attell: Whoa, whoa, this guy’s straight?
Carl Weathers: Yeah.
Dave Attell: Then what the hell am I wearing these for? Look at that.
Tobias: Hey, gang. I’m sorry, I don’t want to “note” you to death but you should be wearing those, uh, under your pants.
Dave Attell: Why?
Tobias: Oh, it’s-it’s a thing. There’s dozens of us.
Dave Attell: Carl, this whole thing is starting to feel like a real career killer.
Carl Weathers: Yeah, yeah, I know, man.
Tobias: Also...
Carl Weathers: Uh, Tobias... why don’t you go and learn your lines, man, work on them?
Tobias: Did I get lines? (Laughs.) They told me I was just jumping onto a moving staircar.
Dave Attell: If that man’s straight, then I am sober.
Wife of G.O.B.: Hi, um, I’m waiting for “Gahb” Bluth.
G.O.B.: I’m “G.O.B.” Bluth. My wife send you?
Wife of G.O.B.: I’m your wife.
G.O.B.: I knew that. Nice to see you again... Usarmy.
G.O.B.: Lost a lot of weight in Iraq, especially up in the... northern region.
Wife of G.O.B.: So, where’s the seal?
G.O.B.: Hey, that’s not my problem. As far as I’m concerned, we were never even married. Maybe I’ll just say that we never... sealed the deal.
Wife of G.O.B.: You’re willing to admit that?
G.O.B.: Lie about it? Yes.
Wife of G.O.B.: Wow. I mis-underestimated you.
Wife of G.O.B.: You’ve got some courage. Makes me wonder what I’m missing.
G.O.B.: You mean, other than your cans?
Wife of G.O.B.: Oh, they’re still here.
Narrator: And so G.O.B. set about consummating the marriage he’d finally agreed to claim he hadn’t.
G.O.B.: (Chuckling.)
Narrator: And back at Motherboy XXX, Lucille was finding her new partner an asset.
Woman #1: Is this your son?
Lucille: No, I’m his grandmother. He’s an orphan.
Woman #1: Oh, I’m so sorry. Well, you guys should win.
George Michael: Well, I’m not a... not an orphan. I have a dad.
Woman #1: Well, good luck to you.
Lucille: Well, that little bit of honesty helped nothing. You better bring it to the waltz, young man.
