Episode Transcript
Written by Barbie Feldman Adler and Abraham Higginbotham.
Lindsay: God! Hello?
Tobias: Hey, I can’t talk loudly. I’m in the bathroom of the Wrench set and they’ve started shooting. Also, I don’t think this is a real toilet. (Jiggles handle repeatedly.)
Lindsay: Well, Maeby’s fine we’ve just been looking for a cleaning lady. So, if you hear of one...
Frank Wrench: You’re a dirty cop, so Frank Wright is going to clean you. Why is this door locked?
Assitant Director: Cut!
Frank Wrench: Someone using the set bathroom?
Tobias: I’ve got to go!
Narrator: And Michael arrived at school to talk his son out of running for office.
George Michael: It took me all day, but I got the ten signatures I needed. I’m running for student body president.
Michael: Listen, George Michael...
- poster
- Ann 2.0 reveals George Michael’s campaign poster: “v.i.r.g.i.n.: Voting In Righteous George Michael Is Noble”
Ann 2.0: We’re going to use your idea, and really highlight being chaste.
Michael: No, I just meant that you two should... Uh, you’re not gonna put up this poster, are you?
Ann 2.0: I think it’s really really going to appeal to the Christian crowd.
George Michael: I couldn’t have done this without you guys. I’m going to win this thing.
Crowd: (Cheering.) Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!
Narrator: And G.O.B. showed up at his mother’s.
Lucille: What a coincidence.
Lucille: I just fired my housekeeper. But I’ve already found her replacement.
Lucille: It’s a robot.
Buster: I hate it. I miss Lupe.
Lucille: No, I won’t let you go down that road. I want you to be strong, and you don’t need the comfort of an immigrant in Mother’s old stirrup pants to make you feel that way.
Buster: Oh, you’re hungry. There you go.
Narrator: Lindsay was about to find a replacement for Lupe as well.
Lindsay: Who is it?
Tobias: (In a British accent.) The new housekeeper. The agency sent me over.
Lindsay: Uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t call any...
Tobias: Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phyllida Featherbottom, and I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of the little ones. I can also sing a song or two, if it comes in handy.
Tobias: (Singing.) / When you put a squirt of frosting down your throat / / Before we take our medications... /
Narrator: Tobias had gotten access to the studio’s wardrobe and makeup departments. He was eager to both see his daughter and prove to his wife that he had what it took to be an actor. It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.
Tobias: (Singing.) / ...In the most delicious way... /
Narrator: There was also some Mary Poppins in there.
Lindsay: Let’s get this house cleaned up.
Michael: Hey, Lindsay, the place looks fantastic. What, did you pay somebody to do this?
Tobias: Oh, I’ve no need for payment.
