Episode Transcript
Written by Brad Copeland.
Dr. Stein: Okay, I’m going to put you on this machine to slow down your heart rate. Hopefully, not too slow, because it’s already dangerously slow as it is. (Chuckles.)
Michael: Whatever you think, Doctor.
Narrator: Meanwhile, G.O.B. was still trying to arrange his comeback in magic.
Buster: So, I’d be a magician and you’d be my assistant?
G.O.B.: Well, on paper, yes. But once the show starts and you ram that sword through my belly, people will know that I’m the one who belongs back in the Alliance. It’s the kind of trick that I could put on a DVD, like Tony Wonder does.
- newspaper article
- The article on Tony Wonder, “Born and Bread in the USA,” includes the following: “Tony Wonder wows his audience as he emerges from a giant sandwich... with the flair and fanfare of Liberace.... Despite the oohs and ahs of the mean ...
Narrator: Tony Wonder had startled the world by baking himself into a loaf of bread. He sold the DVDs of it on his Web site, which many claim suffered due to its pop-up ads.
Narrator: That night, George, Sr. heard about Michael’s illness.
George, Sr.: ...employees are going to panic. They need to know that someone’s in control.
Tobias: And how do we do that?
George, Sr.: Boo-ya.
Narrator: And at The Gothic Castle, Buster had been outfitted with a mechanical Halloween hand.
Buster: Whoa! Looks like you’ve got some dirty ears.
- dirty ears
- Buster performs the “dirty ears” trick, first performed by G.O.B. on White Power Bill in Key Decisions.
Wizard: Well, you’re not on the banned list, so can go on at 6:00.
Tony Wonder: 6:00... looks like you’ll be my opener.
G.O.B.: Tony Wonder?!
Tony Wonder: (Screams.) (Grunts.) (Pants.) You like bread?
Buster: Yeah.
Tony Wonder: Have some.
Buster: Wow, it’s warm.
G.O.B.: How did you do that?
Tony Wonder: Oh-ho-ho. Magicians only. (Whispers.) I folded it up into some squares, and then I put it into a pouch under my shirt, and then I pull it out and I make it look like it came out of my skin.
Buster: Wow, that sounds easy.
Tony Wonder: Keep it to yourself.
Tony Wonder: And good luck up there tonight. And you... you’ll get there someday. I started out as a little “w.” Somehow I became a big one. I don’t even know how it happened, all right?
Tony Wonder: (Screaming.) (Panting and whimpering.) My eye! Aah! (Panting.) Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man.
G.O.B.: What a cool guy.
Narrator: Tobias had been sent to the office by George, Sr.
Tobias: I’ll be filling in for Michael— who is not sick. In fact, just today I saw a sliver of his buttocks, and they’re as fresh and firm as a Georgia peach. So not to worry.
Tobias: But before you all rise up and say, “Let’s make this man our leader,” I think that won’t be necessary, once you see this. I’ll just set this here...
Narrator: Meanwhile Lindsay had also violated Michael’s authority and was teaching George Michael to drive.
George Michael: Are you sure you don’t want me to just watch you for awhile and...?
Lindsay: Driving is about confidence, George Michael. Jam on it! Feels great, right? Now put your put on the brake. There’s a light in a half mile.
Narrator: Meanwhile Buster and G.O.B. had begun the Sword of Destiny illusion at The Gothic Castle.
Applause.
