Episode Transcript
Written by Richard Rosenstock and Barbie Feldman Adler.
Revision: 1.6
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s... Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael came home to find his brother-in-law Tobias, who’d been kicked out of the house earlier that week.
Tobias: Michael. How are you?
Michael: I’m good. Good. Didn’t I already see you today?
Tobias: Not that I know of.
Narrator: Michael had seen him earlier that day as Tobias had been posing as an English nanny named Mrs. Featherbottom...
Narrator: The family, of course, knew it was Tobias, but the house had never been cleaner.
Narrator: Maeby was actually referring to the premiere of a film from the studio where she had conned her way into a job.
Maeby: Oh, hey, Jeff, did you ever get a chance to do that coverage on Voices in America: History in Perspective?
Jeff The Reader: Yeah, I looked that up. It’s a ninth-grade history textbook.
Maeby: Yeah, and if I don’t get your report on it, I won’t be able to pass. On it. Because I have a feeling it’s a piece of bleep.
Narrator: Unfortunately, the job was wreaking havoc with her language.
Maeby: Maybe we just need a new bleeping housekeeper.
Tobias: Okay. I’m sure she would’ve ironed it for you had you told her about it before she changed out of her bloody work clothes, but... I am off, then.
Maeby: Well, I gotta keep him trying, and that is the job.
Lucille: Michael, what are you doing tomorrow?
Michael: Having my day ruined with whatever you’re about to ask me to do.
Lucille: It’s my wedding anniversary, and Oscar wants to throw me a party.
Michael: He is aware that he’s not married to you, right?
Narrator: In fact, Oscar had started to perceive that Lucille was pulling away from him.
Lucille: Not now. It’s my time of the month.
Lucille: Not now; I don’t want to risk having a baby. It could kill me.
Narrator: So, he went to Buster for advice.
Oscar: Maybe I should throw her an anniversary party.
Buster: Oh, so when he doesn’t show, she’ll realize that you were the one who was always there for us.
Oscar: Well, I was thinking one more party, and then I’d move out. But no, I like your plan better. The only problem is, we know he’s around somewhere.
Buster: Well, he never came when I lost my hand. But you— you not only embrace it, but I saw you kissing it while you thought I was sleeping. (Chuckling.)
Oscar: (Sucking.)
Lucille: Who knows what goes on in that pot-addled mind of his. Anyway, it’s a party, and I want the whole family there.
G.O.B.: We’re having a party?
Lucille: No. Well, I’m sorry if I don’t want you doing one of your stupid puppet shows.
G.O.B.: I did that once, Mom. And a lot of people thought it was pretty cool.
