Episode Transcript
Written by Richard Day and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Ian: If you find someone with a passport, we’re here ’til 8:00. And do stay for the Poppuns.
Narrator: So Michael went to the local pub...
Voices: Bloody Yank!
Narrator: ...to see if he could find someone with a British passport.
Lionel: Welcome to the Yellowfang. I am Lionel, and the soup of the day is... What’s the soup of the day, Mum?!
Lionel's Mum: Bread.
Lionel: And the soup of the day is bread. Unless you’re just here for the Poppuns.
Narrator: And that’s when Michael saw the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Not her. Wait for it...
Michael: Are you from Wee Britain?
Rita: Great Britain, actually.
Michael: Great. I was wondering if you might be willing to go somewhere with me. I would pay you.
Rita: You’ll pay me?
Michael: Not... Not for sex. You’re going to think that I’m Jack the Ripper, right? Didn’t he kill prostitutes or...?
Rita: I’m not a prostitute.
Michael: Then I shall let you live. (Chuckles.) This is my worst hello. Let me try again. My name is Michael.
Rita: Rita.
Michael: I need access to these files that are apparently for British eyes only.
Rita: Well, lucky for you, my whole face is British.
Michael: It’s just across the street here. I really appreciate... Hello. I thought you said you were open ’til 8:00.
Ian: Oh, yes, GMT. Everything here is on Greenwich Mean Time.
Michael: What a curious street. Rita... I don’t suppose that you’re here tomorrow morning?
Rita: Oh, no, not in the morning, no. I’ll be back at Slowbrooke.
Michael: Slowbrooke. The private school? Oh, you teach kids, huh?
Rita: I like to think they teach me.
Michael: Like what, how to eat crayons, throw tantrums...
Rita: Oh, no, not when I’m there. I’m very good.
Michael: I-I didn’t mean to, uh, impugn your ability, or, uh... It’s turning into one of my worst good-byes. Farewell, and, uh... our paths shan’t cross again. As you like it.
Narrator: Michael would have walked away forever, had he not been struck by something he remembered from his childhood.
Michael: You know...
- disclaimer
- The sign by the flight of the Mary Poppuns reads: “Caution: Please stay off my landing port... I’m not the tourist killing sort... But if you have a working girl to kill, please let her stay while I do my will.”
Michael: Well... must be the Poppuns.
Rita: Oh, I’m sorry. It’s wrong to laugh.
- Mary Poppuns
- According to the sign in the background, “Ms. Poppuns is an original creation of Wee Britain and is in no way meant to invoke the character of the popular novel, musical or stage show ‘Mary Poppins’. Our Ms. Poppuns has neither the ...
Michael: No, no, no, it’s good. I liked it. It’s just, I was going to ask you, preschools just go half-day, right? And I’m not... I’m not trying to pick you up, but is there any way that I can... I can come by, pick you up, bring you here?
Rita: Yeah, I-I, um... I suppose I could... sneak out at nap time.
Michael: Yes? Perfect. Great. And I shall drop you off alive, hooker or no. (Mouthing.)
Narrator: Tobias, still hoping to be in G.O.B.’s trick, ventured into a costume shop he’d stumbled upon...
Coco: Oh! Look who’s back.
